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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515666">you looked so good in green|| lams college au</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hamilton - Miranda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens Fluff, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, F/F, F/M, Gay John Laurens, Ghost John Laurens, Hamiltrash (Hamilton), I'm Bad At Tagging, Lams - Freeform, M/M, No Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Thomas Jefferson and Marquis de Lafayette are cousins, Trigger Warnings, hes not a ghost i just saw that and laughed, jeffmads - Freeform, meggy, mullette, oh well, thats an inside joke between me and my own brain, thats kinda a spoiler, translase?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:41:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,225</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and John have been best friends since 6th grade. They're now entering college as their feelings for each other emerge.</p><p> </p><p>This is my first story. There will be no ~s i n~ here thank you. Please read the tags. Also, I made a title. It's a reference to Green by Cavetown.</p><p> </p><p>!!!!DISCONTINUED!!!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, George Washington/Martha Washington, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Maria Reynolds/Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. fluffy beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't know. Enjoy? This is my first story I'm publishing. Also, I know there's mistakes so don't judge.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p> Alex's pov </p>
</div><p>“Oh my god, her face!” I laugh as me and John run out of Walmart. </p><p>“Priceless!” he laughs. I look up at him smiling. </p><p>okay so a little background, me and john have been best friends since the 8th grade. i had just moved to america from Nevis to live with my cousin. We are now entering our freshman year of college. right now it’s august 3rd. school starts in 5 days. We both applied and got into Kings college in New York. It's a huge difference from the small town in South Carolina we grew up in. Luckily, we were able to share a dorm!

I met John a month after my mother passed away. I was playing in my cousins yard when he asked if I wanted to play with him. We were both eleven years old. When we were both sophomores, I came out to him as bisexual. coincidentally, he had planned to come out to me as gay that same day. 

</p><p>
  <i>-flashback-</i>
</p><p>“hey john?” I ask nervously. what if he doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore? What if he hates me?</p><p>“yes?” he replies looking up from his phone. </p><p>“um i’m bi..” I say quickly. He looks to be eyes wide. oh god he’s gonna hate me. </p><p>“wait really?!!” he asks as he starts to smile. is this good or bad? is he gonna make fun of me?</p><p>“yea?..” I say quietly.</p><p>“shut up! i’m gay!!” he basically yells.  I let out a sigh of relief.</p><p>“oh my god! i thought you were gonna hate me!” I yell, starting to cry. I've never told anyone that I like girls and boys. </p><p>“Alex, I thought you were gonna hate me!” he yells back. </p><p>“i couldn’t.. i couldn’t hate you.” I mumble. He suddenly runs at me, tackling me in a hug. I hugged back tightly. we pull away about a minute later both of us are crying. out of happiness of course. </p><p>
  <i>-end of flashback-</i>
</p><p>We had just knocked a whole display of candies down so we ran out of the store before anyone could catch us. There was a woman there who tried to stop us but John just yelled that there was a rat and we ran. We start walking to my car and he beats me to the driver's seat. </p><p>“john let me drive!” I whined. </p><p>“nope! you always drive. you need to relax.” he says in a soft but also somehow harsh tone. </p><p>“humph!” I say hoping he’ll change his mind. </p><p>“I'm not changing my mind,” he said as if he could read my mind. I definitely hope he can’t. That would be very embarrassing.</p><p>We get back to our dorm and after we change into comfortable clothes we sit down on John's bed. My bed is across from his, but I want to be next to him. Since he’s taller than me by about four inches, I look up at him. He's so pretty. </p><p>“what?” he asks when he notices me staring. </p><p>“nothing. just your pretty is all.” i reply sighing. he throws a pillow at me. </p><p>“oh shut up. you’re pretty too.” he laughs. </p><p>“ha. ha. am not. liar.” I accuse. </p><p>“what? you are pretty. don’t say that. If you want proof just look in a mirror.” he says as we lay back in John's bed. </p><p>“sorry.” I mumble. johns takes my hand. </p><p>“don’t apologize.” John says softly. “and don’t lie!” he starts to laugh. I start giggling. I hate my laugh. John always says it’s cute. </p><p>He tackles me in a hug. Of course I hug back. I'm sitting with my back against the wall, John hugging me from my side. I run my hands through his hair. He looks up at me. </p><p>“Hmm?” I question. He pulls up his hand as if he’s gonna touch my face, but instead goes back to his hugging position. </p><p>“Nothing. just your pretty is all.” he says with a small laugh. </p><p>“isn’t that exactly what i said to you like 3 minutes ago?” i giggle </p><p>“well it’s true!” he exclaims. “you can’t expect me to not tell you that you’re pretty. you’re my-“ he cut himself off. </p><p>“I'm your what?” I ask with a smile. </p><p>“best friend. you’re my best friend.” he says with a sad smile. </p><p>“and your mine.” I smile. i wonder what he was really gonna say. </p><p>After that we watched some movies. we never had a problem sleeping in the same bed, we have had many sleepovers over the five years we’ve been friends. We have a certain way we do it, I sleep on the left side with most of the blankets while John sleeps on the right side with little to no blankets. Anyways, I don’t remember what it was about because i fell asleep in the beginning </p><p> </p><p>“Alex get up i wanna get breakfast.” I wake up to John shaking me gently.</p><p>“Mmm” I angrily moan and hide my face in John's pillow. </p><p>“come on i’ll get you coffee.” he says as he starts to get dressed. with that i’m convinced. </p><p>“okay but i want a donut.” i say as i start to get up. </p><p>I put on a pair of jeans and a forest green hoodie. I grab my phone and keys and head for the bathroom. I walk out of the bathroom and John is ready. He's wearing a light blue sweater with some jeans. He looks so pretty. </p><p>“Ready?” he asks. </p><p>“Mhmm '' I reply. of course, John steals the keys from my hand and runs to the driver's seat of my car. </p><p>“John!'' I whine as I sit on the passengers side. </p><p>“Yes, love?” he replies, all innocent like. I roll my eyes, smiling. </p><p>“Oh my god.” I laugh as he turns on the radio. He drives us to some coffee place, and I order while John goes to the bathroom. </p><p>“Hi can I get a tall iced coffee and,” I look at the text John sent me, “an iced, Ristretto, 10 shot, venti, with breve, 5 pump vanilla, 7 pump caramel, 4 Splenda, [and] poured, not shaken. ”</p><p>“A friend's order?” the barista says. I looked at his name tag. Samuel. </p><p>“Something like that.” i say with a sigh. </p><p>“Can i get a name?” Samuel asks</p><p>“Alex.” I replied and paid. </p><p>“I'll have those right for you.” he says, chuckling. I smile and sit on a bench. </p><p>“For Alex?” Samuel says and puts down two drinks. </p><p>I grab them, giving Samuel a smile. as i go to take a sip of my iced coffee, i notice something written on the side. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>(455) 661- 7334 call me. Sam. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>I look back at Samuel. He smiles and after he puts a drink out walks towards me. Out of the corner of my eye I see John walking out of the bathroom. </p><p>“I know this might be forward but, wanna go out sometime?” he asks. I look to John for help. He walks over to me. </p><p>“Um Samuel, this is John, my boyfriend.” i state in a panic. I know it’s probably rude to tell Samuel that I’m dating John, but I don’t want to go out with him. I look up at John, his face calm, him smiling. I hugged him from the side and handed him his drink. </p><p>“Hi!” John says, smiling. </p><p>“Oh. Hi. Sorry.” Samuel says, his smile now gone. </p><p>“It’s okay. you didn’t know.” Me and John walk out. Him still holding me by the waist. </p><p>“So, what was that about?” John asks as we walk to my car. </p><p>“Ugh, he asked me out and i just was not interested. Also, I'm just an awkward person and I panicked. Sorry.” I say. </p><p>“It's okay, I liked the game,” He replies. </p><p>“Me too.”I replied with a smile. </p><p>“you’re basic.” I giggle when we get to the car. </p><p>“what? am not” he says with a laugh. </p><p>“You got the longest coffee order I’ve ever seen! What are you, a twelve year old girl?” i say with a laugh. </p><p>“Whatever.” he says with a smile as he eats his donut.</p><p>“John?” I say as I start to wonder where we’re going. </p><p>“Hmm?” he responds, his mouth full with donut. </p><p>“Where are you kidnapping me to?” I ask , looking out the car window. </p><p>“The park. we’re going to the side with all the cherry blossoms.” he says as he pulls my car into the parking lot. </p><p>We get out of the car and start walking through all the kids to get to the side with the cherry trees. John wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. We sit on a bench that’s surrounded by the pretty trees. I lean against John and look at the trees. </p><p>“It’s so pretty here.” I look up and notice johns already staring at me. </p><p>“Yes it’s very pretty.” he says with a smile. I blush with a smile and look back at the trees. </p><p>After about an hour of sitting and talking we decide to head back to the dorm. </p><p>The day was spent watching musicals, heather's, waitress, Les Mis, and be more chill. as it starts to get dark, John orders some chinese and eats while watching Dear Evan Hansen. Of course, I end up crying in my noodles.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. StormChapter™</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's the StormChapter™</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There's definitely some mistakes in here. Ignore them please. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The musical ended and John looked at me with concern in his face as soft thunder rolls. Then rain pours outside our window. </p>
<p>“John.” I say quietly, closing my eyes. I had always had a great fear of storms ever since my brother had died during a hurricane when I lived in the Nevis. I can already tell that this storm is going to be bad. </p>
<p>“Come here.” he says softly. I move across the bed to him and snuggle up next to him. </p>
<p>“John I-“ suddenly a loud crack of thunder interrupts me. I scream and bury my face in John's shoulder. He gently starts running his hand through my hair. He knows that relaxes me. I sigh into his chest as I try to push the bad thoughts away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>-“ALEX HELP I'M STUCK!” James yells.-</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmm” I hum as I try to get James’ voice out of my head. “Talk to me.” I whisper to john. as a single tear rolls down my cheek. </p>
<p>“Okay. so tomorrow I was thinking we could go to the museum and maybe get some lunch, then come back to our dorm and watch a movie? Something new? What do you wanna see?” he finishes with a question as a very loud bit of thunder paired with a strike of lightning takes my attention. I sit up and I look towards our window. </p>
<p>“Hey.” he says, taking my chin between his thumb and index finger, guiding my head to face him. “Look at me.” I look at his eyes. His beautiful hazel eyes. </p>
<p>“Focus, what do you see?” he asks softly. My frown relaxed as I continued to look at john. </p>
<p>“I see you. Your eyes. Your pretty hazel eyes.'' I lean back into his chest. “I see your Tyler, the creator hoodie.” I say as I bury my face in his hoodie after another roll of thunder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>-“ALEX LOOKOUT!” James screams before a piece of  debris knocks me off my feet.-</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I start sobbing into Johns Tyler, the creator hoodie. I like this hoodie. I’ve stolen it before. It smelled of john. But not what he smells like. Like the atmosphere I feel when I’m with him. It feels warm and pink. That makes no sense. I want to steal it again. </p>
<p>“Alex, baby, what are you thinking about?” he asks in a hushed tone as he runs his fingers across my back. every touch soothes my nerves. </p>
<p>“James.'' I whisper. “the hurricane.'' I never told John much about the hurricane, only that I lost my brother during it and I found him during the aftermath, seeing his body under a crushed house in the corner of my eye. </p>
<p>Another roll of thunder, a particularly loud one and a huge strike of lightning. I scream and hug John tightly. My hands found their way around his hips. I pull myself on his lap instinctively, sitting on it, and hide my head in his chest. He wraps his arms around me hugging me back. I cry harder. I cry for James. I cry for my mother. I cried because of my dad. I cry because I'm hugging John and I feel like maybe he’ll make everything okay. Ever since that first time a storm struck while I was with him, he’s always been my support. I continue to cry remembering how difficult it was to get off that island. He kisses my forehead gently. I blush and look up at him. I always blush when he does that. He smiles. I lay my head back down on his chest. He pulls a blanket on us and I pull my arms up to my chest. another loud roll of thunder. I lightly squeal and grip John's hoodie for dear life. He seems to notice I'm getting worse so he pulls me up. I comply and sit up with a confused face. </p>
<p>“I'm sorry I'll get off you.” I mumble and start to move. </p>
<p>“Wait, don't,” John stops me by bringing his hand to my cheek. I instinctively leaned into his touch, sighing. I notice the storm starts to die down but I don't care. All I care about is john. </p>
<p>“John I-“ i cut myself off not having the right words. </p>
<p>“Alex.” he says, looking into my eyes. I love when he looks at me like that. like he’s thinking about me. I love when he smiles. I love his voice. I love his gentle, soothing touch. </p>
<p>And oh god.</p>
<p>I love him. </p>
<p>I love john. </p>
<p>I'm like in love with John.</p>
<p>How didn't I realize sooner? </p>
<p>I look at him and time seems to stop. I love john. I'm mad at myself for not knowing sooner. </p>
<p>I leaned towards him, stopping just before his face. I love this boy with everything inside me. I quickly pressed my lips against his. His eyes widened. I just kissed john. </p>
<p>“Oh my god, I'm sorry- I just-” I start immediately.</p>
<p>"Alex it's okay I. um. I liked it." he reassures. </p>
<p>"I love you." I blurt because, you know, I'm a mess. He laughs, like actually laughs. I'm scared. Worried. </p>
<p>“Good because I love you too. I have for so long.” he whispers. A wave of relief washes over me. I can feel his breath on my lips. I guess I have too. Again, I've just never realized it. </p>
<p>I blush and hug him again. He smiles and kisses me again. it feels so right, his lips on mine. I melt into the kiss. we eventually break apart, our foreheads meeting. </p>
<p>“Are you tired, love?” John asks. I nod wearily. </p>
<p>“Okay let’s go to sleep.” he says gently. We both lay down in John's bed. Instead of going to our normal positions, John lays on the left side, me on the right. He pulls me towards him. Me becoming the little spoon. I bury my head into his chest and he pulls the blanket over both of us. I find his hand and hold it with both my hands, close to my chest. I lean up and leave a gentle kiss on his jaw. I face my head back towards his chest and feel a soft kiss on the top of my head. we fall asleep like that, him holding me.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>someone left kudos and it made me smile. i dare you to do it again &lt;3</p>
<p>also, title name recommendations?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ew to johns dad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>homophobia references (aka johns dad is a meanie pants)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I wake up to John sitting up and softly crying.</p><p>“John?” I whisper. </p><p>“Oh Alex. Hi.” he jumps a little when he realizes i’m awake. </p><p>“What's wrong?” I ask looking at the clock by John's bed. it’s 4:22. </p><p>“Oh um it’s nothing.” he says, trying to wipe his tears away, although he's obviously still crying. </p><p>“Baby, it’s not nothing if it’s making you cry.” I say as I move to lay in his lap, him sitting against the wall. He starts stroking my cheek with his hand. </p><p>“It’s nothing, darling.” he whispers smiling. I take his hand from my cheek and bring it to my lips, kissing his hand. </p><p>“You can tell me, johnny.” I say I hope to be reassured. </p><p>John sighs. </p><p>“It’s my dad. He drunkenly called me at four am just to yell at me.” he says looking up. johns dad has always been extremely homophobic, using the f-slur and claiming that I turned him gay.</p><p>“Oh John.” I say as I sit up. I sit up on his lap, straddling him. I wrap my arms around his neck. </p><p>“What’d he say?” I ask, looking into his eyes. </p><p>“He said that if I want to be gay then I’m not his son. And that he's going to legally disown me.” he says as more tears fall down his face. I hug him tightly. He hugs back, still crying. </p><p>“I’m so sorry baby.” I whisper in his ear. I kissed his cheek softly. </p><p>He pulls me forward, so that we’re facing each other again. He presses his forehead to mine. </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>I kiss him gently. He kisses back just as gently. Just a moment later we pull apart. </p><p>“Let’s lay down.” I recommend. </p><p>“Okay.” he agrees. I lay back down, John lays his head on my chest. I try to fall asleep. When I hear Johns breathing slow, I know he has. </p><p>I don't know why anyone would be so mean to John. He's so nice to everyone and is never mean, he's very very pretty, he has like ten thousand freckles, and he's gentle and loving. How could someone not love him? Let alone his own father. I mean, I wouldn't exactly know what it's feels like to have a loving father, mine left when I was ten and before that everything is pretty much a blur, aside from a few memories with my mom. My cousin was never really around, but we had some fun times. I wouldn't call him a father figure though. I wish John got the love he deserves. I love him. A lot. Like, I would give up my life for him. </p><p>Foreshadowing? We'll see. Okay, enough damage to the fourth wall done.</p><p>I hold John tighter and eventually fall asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for the short chapter. been swamped w school.</p><p>fourth wall got destroyed. sorry bout that.</p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the beach?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I wake up again to my alarm at eight. I turn it off and start to get up, but John pulls me back down. He holds me in his arms. </p><p>“Yes?” I say, amused. </p><p>“Stay.” he whispers.</p><p>“We need to get up.” I say although I continue to snuggle up against him wrapping my arms around him. </p><p>“Do we really though?” he asks. “I wanna lay in your arms forever.” I can basically hear his smile. I sit up a little. </p><p>“John what are we?” I ask , hovering over him. He opens his eyes fully, slightly smiling. </p><p>“I dunno. What do you want to be?” he asks. </p><p>“I don’t think I’m ready for a boyfriend yet, but I still want to love on you.” I say and lay on top of him, my head on his chest. “Do you think you could wait?” </p><p>“Of course I can, love. I'm not really ready for a relationship either. And if I’m gonna have one with you I want it to be serious.” he pulls me up a bit and kisses me. I melt then and there. His words strike my heart, making me love him even more. If that's even possible.</p><p>I giggle and kiss him many times all over his face. He laughs and tries to pull away. I just keep kissing him, on his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his jaw. </p><p>“Alex!” he laughs. </p><p>“What?” I ask innocently as I put my hand on his stomach and start to tickle him. </p><p>“You’re tickling me!” he laughs harder. </p><p>I chuckle and kiss him on the lips one last time. </p><p>“I'm just making up for all the kisses I've never given you.” I say as I lay my head back down on his chest. </p><p>“What do you wanna do today?” he asks as he starts running his fingers through my hair. </p><p>“I dunno. I just wanna love on you.” I reply. </p><p>“You already are!” he laughs. </p><p>I smile and kiss him again. </p><p>Eventually, we do get up and get some breakfast. John makes me some cereal, and I find myself pecking him on the lips or cheek every chance I get. Which is a lot because we spend the majority of the day together.</p><p>Around 3 pm we hear a knock at our door</p><p>“Who could that be?” John asks. </p><p>“I dunno. We don’t really know anyone.” I go and open the door. Two boys are at our door smiling. </p><p>“Uh hello?” I say. </p><p>“Bonjour! my name is Lafayette, but you can call me Laf. And this is mon amour, Hercules.” Lafayette says. John gets up and joins me by the door. </p><p>“uh hi. I'm Alex and this is john.” I say motioning to john. </p><p>“hi. what’s up?” John asks. </p><p>“um we wanted to say hello! we are in the dorm next to yours.” Hercules says, pointing to a dorm across the hall. “we were wondering if you guys wanted to go to the beach with us and some friends. It's sort of the last day of summer.”</p><p>I look up at John. He smiles and nods his head. </p><p>“yea sure we’d love to! when do we leave?” I replied smiling. </p><p>Lafayette smiles. </p><p>“you guys can come in our car and we expect to leave in an hour. is that okay?” Lafayette says. </p><p>“sounds fun! we’ll come to your dorm in an hour.” john says. </p><p>“okay! see you soon.” Hercules says.</p><p> “bye!” Lafayette adds</p><p>Before I shut our dorm door. I go to the closet and pull out mine and John's swimming trunks. I start to change, taking off my shirt, as I talk to john. </p><p>“John, did we just make friends?” I ask , smiling. I look at John who is already staring at me. </p><p>“what?” I ask, confused. </p><p>“Alex.” he mumbles. </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You look so cute right now,” he says quietly. I feel myself blush. </p><p>I walk over to him and kiss him gently. I push him on the bed and straddle his hips. instead of kissing him, I just hug him.</p><p>“I love you.” he says. </p><p>I smile, pecking him in the lips before jumping off of him. </p><p>“I know, come on let’s get ready.” I say and take my swimming trunks to the bathroom leaving John on his bed. </p><p>“Okay” he says.</p><p>An hour later, as promised, we went to Lafayette and Hercules’ dorm. John knocks on the door. Hercules answers. </p><p>“Hey john, Alex. Are we all ready? Laf?” Hercules says after he opens the door. </p><p>“Yes I'm ready, Herc!” Laf calls from inside the dorm before meeting us at the door. </p><p>“we’re ready to go.” I say. Herc and Laf lead the way. </p><p>As we go down the hall, John takes my hand in his. I blush, and squeeze his hand softly. He only lets go when we need to get in the car. </p><p>In Hercs car me and john sit in the back while Laf and Herc sit in the front. On the way to the beach we talk about ourselves, our majors etc. As soon as we get to the beach we all hop out of the car. </p><p>“LAF!!! HERC!!!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a cliffhanger??? what?? who could it be??? </p><p>please give mullette a warm welcome. </p><p>I actually have like 4 more chapters already written. more than that.</p><p>kudos warm my heart. any feedback? </p><p> </p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. beach day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>alt title: poor pegs</p><p>I changed something in the first chapter. It's not much of a difference right now, but in a future chapter it will be a bit different. You might want to go reread the first chapter (primarily the part before alex's flashback) but you don't have to. </p><p>&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“LAF!!! HERC!!!” a girl in a yellow bathing suit yells running up to them and hugging them tightly. </p><p>“Peggy!” Herc and Laf simultaneously yell. </p><p>“Who are these guys?” she asks when she sees us. </p><p>“Um, I'm John and this is Alex. we live in the dorm across from Laf and Hercs.” John replies, smiling. </p><p>“Hi” I say. </p><p>“Okay cool! I'm Peggy, the youngest of the Schuyler sisters.” she states as a girl in a baby blue bathing suit and a girl in a pink bathing suit come towards us. </p><p>“this,” she gestures to the girl in the blue bathing suit “ is Eliza and this,” she gestures to the girl in the pink bathing suit “ is angelica, the oldest Schuyler sister.” </p><p>“hi.” me and john say at the same time. </p><p>“hi.” Eliza and angelica say at the same time. </p><p>“let’s go swim!” Peggy yells as she runs down the beach, into the water. </p><p>“we have a bonfire set for later tonight.” Eliza says as we walk down the beach. I nod. </p><p>I stop about 15 feet from the water, John stopping when I do. </p><p>“do you wanna stop here?” he asks gently. </p><p>“yes please.” I say quietly looking up at him. </p><p>“okay let’s put our towels down.” </p><p>“john go play.” I say with a smile. “i’ll sit here.” </p><p>“Are you sure?” he asks as I sit down. </p><p>“yes, love now go.” </p><p>“okay. love you, doll.” I giggle at John's southerness. </p><p>“love you too.” i say softly as he runs away. a minute later, Peggy sits down next to me. </p><p>“hey” she smiles cheerfully. </p><p>“hi Peggy.” I smile , still looking towards john. </p><p>“So is John a good boyfriend?”</p><p>“what? oh john's not my boyfriend.'' I laugh. </p><p>“oh but act like you are.” she says. </p><p>“no we aren’t dating, but we do love each other. we talked about it. neither of us are ready for a relationship, but we still love each other.” I sigh watching John play volleyball with Angelica and Eliza. </p><p>“I can tell you love him.” she says. </p><p>“how so?” I ask. </p><p>“The way you look at him. Definitely the way you talk about him.” she smiles and looks down. </p><p>“Hmm.. what about you? anyone special?”</p><p>“There is someone. Her name is maria.” she smiles sadly. </p><p>“Are you two dating?” I ask softly. </p><p>“No," Her smile fades as she continues. "She has a boyfriend. He's mean to her though. Abusive. She would leave him but she’s scared of what he’ll do if she does.” </p><p>“I'm sorry Peggy.” I say. “sometimes we have to wait for our happy ending.”</p><p>“Thanks Alex.” she says as she fixes the strap of her bathing suit. </p><p>“No problem. So, how are you so hyper? You basically attacked Laf and Herc earlier.” I say with a smile.</p><p>I just.. I want them to know how much I love them. I want them to feel loved. When me and my sisters were kids, I was always an afterthought.”</p><p>“hmm” I hum signifying that she went on. </p><p>“I mean it’s never ‘and angelica’ or ‘and Eliza’ but it’s always ‘and Peggy’. It gets annoying.” she says </p><p>“I get that. you want to let everyone know that you love and appreciate them. unlike what you felt as a child.” I say. </p><p>“Yea. you’re easy to talk to. I've decided, we're best friends now. No take backs.” she says before getting up to go play volleyball. </p><p>"I'm okay with that!"</p><p>“see ya!” she says as she walks away. </p><p>“bye, pegs!” I say.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. alex is in love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Bye, pegs!” I say as I see John coming back up to me. </p><p>He sits on his towel next to me. I lean on him. </p><p>“I love you.” I state. </p><p>“I love you too,” he replies softly. </p><p>We continue looking at the water. Instead of watching Laf and Herc make out in the ocean, we watch the Schuylers play around with a volleyball. We look into the skyline as the sun starts to set. Suddenly we hear french yelling.</p><p>“Herc! Tu veux dire! Oh mon Dieu, je suis tout mouillé!” Laf yells. We look over to see Laf in the water, having probably fallen, and Herc standing up laughing.</p><p>“What happened?” John asks.</p><p>“I think Herc pushed him into the water.” I state, having understood Laf because, not to brag, but I'm fluent in french, spanish and english. </p><p>I look up at John. He looks down at me. He brings his hand to my cheek. I leaned into his touch still staring in his eyes. </p><p>“Hey guys! Hercs setting the fire!” Eliza calls from the bonfire spot. </p><p>“Come on.” John stands up and holds out his hand. I ignore it and get up on my own smiling. </p><p>“Hmph!” he fakes a frown. I smile and roll my eyes before taking his hand and kissing it gently before I drop it and run to Peggy. </p><p>“PEGGY!!” I yell and run towards her. </p><p>“ALEX!!” Peggy yells and opens her arms. I tackle her into a hug, knocking her chair over and into the sand. </p><p>I hold Peggy in a tight hug, her hugging back. </p><p>“Well those two became fast friends.” Herc comments.</p><p>“Guys, I hate to cut this short, but there’s a huge spider right there.” John says as we hug. We scream and jump up, just to realize there’s no spider. And everyone’s laughing. </p><p>“John!” I whined. “Why would you do that?!” </p><p>He laughs and comes over to me. </p><p>“I’m sorry, love.” he says and tries to hug me. </p><p>“Hmph!” I say and turn around swiftly. He hugs me from behind. I roll my eyes. I can't help it. I smile and walk towards where everyone is sitting, him only letting go when we sit down. I sit next to Peggy. John sits at my side. I lean into his shoulder. </p><p>“So you guys are dating?” Angelica asks. </p><p>“Uh-uh.” I reply softly, shaking my head. John takes my hand and softly kisses it. I look up at him smiling. Everyone looks at us with confused expressions except Peggy. </p><p>“Um okay. What are our sexual orientations?  I’m gay. Nobody <i>has</i> to share, by the way.” Laf says.</p><p>“I’m gay too.” John says. </p><p>“I’m pan.” Herc adds.  </p><p>“Same.” Peggy says. </p><p>“I'm bi.” I say. </p><p>“I’m lesbian and ace.” Eliza adds. </p><p>“Okay so Peggy and Herc are pan, Eliza's lesbian/ace, John and Laf are gay, Alex is bi, and I’m straight” Angelica adds. </p><p>We all nod our heads. After this we all talk and hang out. Eventually, the talking dies down until Laf speaks up. </p><p>“Guys it’s eleven we should go before the crack addicts come out.”</p><p>We all grab our things. Herc puts out the fire and we head back to Hercs car. </p><p>“Bye Pegs. Bye Liza. Bye Angie.” I say before hugging them all and jumping in Hercs car, John also saying his goodbyes before following me into the car. </p><p>On the way home we all half fell asleep. We make it back to our dorms before curfew, at midnight. Laf and Herc say their goodbyes to us and we walk into our dorm. I instantly tackled John in a hug. </p><p>“Mmm I love you.” I say into his neck.</p><p>“That's good because I love you,” he replies. I can practically hear his smile. I let go and pecked his lips.</p><p>“I’m gonna go shower.” I say walking towards the bathroom. “Wanna join?” I added a smirk. </p><p>“Ha ha. Very funny.” he says as he sits down. I giggle and go take my shower. After a short shower I step out and get into the sweats and t-shirt (that I DEFINITELY didn’t steal from John) I brought in with me. I semi-dry my hair with my towel before putting it into a low bun.</p><p>“John i-“</p><p>I walk out of the bathroom to see John already asleep. I smile and walk over to him, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. I lay in bed next to him. He seemed to notice my presence, because he immediately snuggles up to me. I smile and fall asleep quickly, feeling comfort in John's arms.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the beach chapters are my favorite so far. I love that Peggy and Alex are automatic besties and I would also like to say that in this fic, Eliza is not going to be evil. In almost all the fics I've read, she's either been a cinnamon roll or completely evil, there's no in between.</p><p>I hope you enjoyed. Thank you to everyone who left kudos, they make me happy.</p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. alex's favorite color is green (in case you didn't know)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>SLIGHT SELF HARM REFERENCE. </p><p>TRIGGER WARNING AT THE END. </p><p>PLEASE READ THE END NOTE BEFORE READING THE NEXT CHAPTER.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up to the sun directly in my face. I reach over to John but find nothing but find blankets and pillows. I look at the clock. 9:58. </p><p>I look around the dorm. John is not here. I stand up to go to the bathroom. As I walk past John's desk, I notice a note. </p><p>
  <i>alex, i went to get some groceries. love ya! -john. </i>
</p><p>I feel myself smile. He’s so cute. </p><p>I go to the bathroom, get dressed and sit on my bed with my laptop. After falling down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole on youtube, John comes home. I look at the time again. 11:09. That felt like ten minutes. </p><p>“Hey, love.” John says as he places some bags on the table. </p><p>“Morning babe.” I get up and kiss his cheek before I start unloading groceries. Once all the groceries were put away, me and John sit on his bed and cuddle. I love the way he makes me feel warm.</p><p>“What do you want to do on our last day of summer?” he asks. </p><p>“I dunno. I kinda just wanna lay with you.” I say. </p><p>“Yea but we need to go get our ids and probably other stuff. we’ve been putting it off.” John replies. </p><p>“Okay. But can we go later? I wanna keep hugging.” I say. </p><p>“But if we go now, we can hug all day.” he says. </p><p>“Hmm okay.” I reply, I peck his lips before I get up. </p><p>“I’m gonna take a shower. I think we’re gonna take pictures for our ids so be ready for that.” John says as he walks to the bathroom.</p><p>I put on a green sweater and some jeans. And after about 10 minutes, John comes out of the bathroom. I step into our extremely tiny kitchenette and grab a cereal bar so John can get ready. I end up not finding one, being the bad looker I am. </p><p>“Ready?” I ask as John walks out of our bedroom. </p><p>“Mhm.” we get our shoes then head down to the enrollment offices. John takes my hand as we walk across campus. </p><p>“Hello!” I lady says as we walk inside the freshman office wing. “Are you two here for your ids?” she asks</p><p>“Yep.” John says. </p><p>“Okay, I’m Martha what are your names?” she asks. </p><p>“I'm Alexander Hamilton, this is John Laurens.” I say. </p><p>“Hamilton and Laurens.” she mumbles as she looks through her clipboard. “ah here.” she crosses off our names and hands us both an envelope of papers, a drawstring bag with a water bottle and a lanyard inside, and a paper for college apparel. I let go of John's hand to grab my stuff. </p><p>“Through those doors you can take your pictures for kids.'' she says as she points to the doors. </p><p>“Thanks Martha.” I say before we walk to the room. </p><p>John takes his pictures first, then I do. </p><p>“Your ids should be ready in an hour.” the guy taking the picture tells us. </p><p>“Okay Thanks.” I say. John and I walk out waving bye to Martha. </p><p>“Wanna get some food?” John asks. </p><p>“Sure. I haven’t eaten today.” I replied. I took John's hand. </p><p>“Baby, you need to eat.” he says, squeezing my hand softly. </p><p>“I know I just didn’t want to get out of bed and make anything.” I state. </p><p>When me and John were in high school, I had problems remembering to eat. I was always so busy trying to keep my grades up to worry about it and near the end of my junior year, when we applied to colleges, after my cousin had committed suicide, I was so busy distracting myself from everything going on by writing my essays, I felt like it was the only thing I had control of, so I didn’t really eat or sleep much. Of course, I fell down a spiral. John eventually found out about my eating and cutting.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, so this chapter is short bc the next chapter is a needs a trigger warning and i wanted to make it so people can just skip it if they want. In the next chapter, I will make a note at the bottom briefly summarizing the chapter. There will e another chapter like this in the future, in Johns pov and I will do the same thing. </p><p>Thank you for reading! I like comments! </p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. alex, no. (trigger warning)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TRIGGER WARNINGS:</p><p>UNNAMED EATING DISORDER<br/>SELF HARM REFERENCES</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>(TW)</b>
</p><p>
  <i>-flashback-</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex?” John says as he sits next to me on my bed. I forgot that we made plans. Shoot.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Hmm?” I replied without looking up from my laptop. college applications are due in three days and i’m not done yet. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“when was the last time you ate?” he asks softly. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“um. I had a fruit cup Tuesday morning?” I say more like a question than a statement. It's now thursday. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex come on. take a break.” he says. He stands up and holds out a hand for me. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“i need to finish this.” i say looking up at him briefly. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“you need to eat.” he deadpans. I stop typing for a moment, putting my hands down on my bed. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“i will. just let me finish this paragraph.” I say. He puts his hand on mine. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex please,” he says. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“john i need to do this.” my voice is fragile as I try to stop it from breaking. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>John takes my laptop off my lap. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“what the hell?” I am trying to get it back. He doesn’t let me. instead he picks me up. It's not difficult considering I'm light and short. I huff, trying to let him know that I don’t like this. He brings me to my bathroom and puts me down in front of the mirror. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“John." i warn. he looks at me through the mirror while I avoid looking at myself. He sighs and lifts up my hoodie. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“john!” I say loudly while trying to force my hoodie down. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“stop. look.” he says sternly. I look in the mirror at the frail shell of myself. I look up at John as he leads me to the scale. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“john stop.” i say as he pushes me towards it. “please.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>he struggles to put me on the scale. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“dammit Alex.” his voice cracks. I looked up at him to see a tear fall down his cheek. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“i-“ i cut myself off. John looks at me. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“please Alex. you need to take care of yourself. if not for yourself do it for me.” he begs. my lips form a thin line as I choke back tears. I took his hand. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“i’m sorry.” I say. I look at the scale. “i don’t wanna look.”</i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>He hugs me and I stand on the scale. Instead of looking at the number, I look at John. He looks at the number and takes a deep breath. He looks back up at me. He grabs my wrist to guide me off the scale and I wince. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“what?” he asks, eyes wide. I looked in his eyes before walking out of the bathroom and sitting on my bed, leaving him to follow me. I turned towards the wall and rolled up the sleeve to see he reopened one of the cuts I made. A tear rolls down my cheek as I roll back down my sleeve. I quickly wipe the tears and turn around. John is sitting right behind me. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“so are we gonna get food?” I ask with a smile, trying to avoid the inevitable. He grabs my hand and my smile fades as he pulls up my sleeve. He gasps when he sees my scars, some healed some not. </i>
</p><p><i>“Alex..” he whispers. I try not to cry as we lock eyes. He raises his arm and I flinch, but instead of hitting me, he cups my cheek in his hand. I lean forward, hugging him. He holds me for a while before he takes my arm and kisses my cuts through my hoodie sleeve.</i>

</p><p>
  <i>“please don’t do it again.” he whispers, silent tears streaming down his face. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“john..” I say. He takes my face in his hands. I close my eyes as he kisses my forehead. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex please don't,” he says after I lay my head on his chest. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“okay. I won't. i promise.” i say, meaning it. he starts running his hands through my hair. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>-end of flashback-</i>
</p><p>
  <b>(END OF TW)</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In junior year, Alex had was self harming and had an unnamed eating disorder. John found out and they had a minor moment. (John kissed his forehead and his cuts through his sleeve.)</p><p>Thank you for reading, even if you skipped this chapter. pls give me feedback. or don't, you don't have to. I just really like reading them, and i've decided that everyone that comments from now on gets a cookie. </p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. cinnamon sugar pretzel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“okay. where do you wanna go?” he asks, bringing me back to reality. I noticed we’ve walked off campus, starting to get to the part of the city where all the shops are.</p><p>“hmm. i could really go for a pretzel.” I say.</p><p>“Wow, that sounds amazing.” he says. I smile and look around for the nearest pretzel cart. I get a cinnamon sugar one and John gets a plain one.</p><p>we walk away from the pretzel cart, back towards the campus. John leads me to a bench right outside the campus border. I lean my head against John's shoulder, like I always do, and continue to eat my pretzel, licking my lips every time too much cinnamon sugar gets on them. I noticed a pang in the side of my head.</p><p>“My head hurts.” I say, finishing the last bit of my pretzel.</p><p>“Hurts how?” John asks, wrapping his arms around my shoulder. I lean into his chest.</p><p>“like someone poked me aggressively on my temple.” I say.</p><p>“you probably just have a headache.” he says, finishing his pretzel. “our ids should be ready now, wanna go get them?”</p><p>“yea.” we get up and I hold out my hand for John to take. we walk back down to the freshman offices, to be again greeted my Martha.</p><p>“hey guys your ids are ready.” she says with a smile before handing us our ids. but instead handing us ours we looked at them to see Laf and Hercs.</p><p>“Oh Martha these ar-“ I'm cut off by the doors opening by Laf and Herc themselves.</p><p>“Martha you have us john and Alex’s ids.” Laf says, looking at an id in his hand, Herc behind him.</p><p>“Laf! Herc!” I say. Laf looks up with a smile before coming over and hugging us. Herc follows suit.</p><p>“Alex! john! mes amis!” Laf exclaims.</p><p>“hey guys.” Herc says.</p><p>“hi. I think we got the wrong ids.” we switch and look at them.</p><p>“oops! my bad. sorry about that.” Martha says.</p><p>“oh don’t worry about it.” John assures.</p><p>“we should head back to our dorm.” Herc starts “bye guys!” he says.</p><p>“au revoir!” Laf says as he takes Hercs hand and starts walking away.</p><p>“bye!” John and I say.</p><p>“what do you want to do now?” I ask John, looking up at him.</p><p>“I dunno. i don’t really wanna go back to our dorm.” he says as we walk out of the building.</p><p>“wanna go get my car and dive around for a little bit?” When I first bought my car, me and John would drive through the hills of south carolina for hours, just talking and subconsciously flirting, well maybe it was conscious.</p><p>“Yeah that sounds like fun,” he replies. I smile and he takes my hand, intertwining our fingers.</p><p>“okay but i left my keys in the dorm so we need to go get them.” I say.</p><p>“okay come on.” John says as we start walking towards the dorm building. We reach the entrance, but before we can walk in the doors, a guy dressed ridiculously all in deep burgundy walks out, followed by a few other people.</p><p>“and then, she said, ‘the towels go under the sink’!” he says and the people around him laugh. we try to get out of their way, but the burgundy guy pushes me out of the way. causing me to let go of John's hand and stumble into him.</p><p>“hey!” I yell.</p><p>“Shut it short stack!” he yells as he continues walking.</p><p>“nice one, Jefferson!” one of his, who i’m assuming are his friends, says. I frown and retake John's hand before walking into the building.</p><p>We go to our dorm room, grab the keys and go back down to get my car. John, as always, sits in the driver's seat.</p><p>“I mean what was I expecting?” I ask myself as I slide into the passenger seat and hand John the keys.</p><p>We drive around the campus, through New York city, all the way to the boardwalk.</p><p>“I have a blanket. do you wanna go sit on the beach?” I suggest.</p><p>“Sure.” he parks the car and I get the linen blanket from my trunk. We walked down to the beach and I laid down on the blanket. Since it’s 3 pm on a Tuesday, and a bit overcast, the beach is nearly empty, the nearest people being way farther down the beach.</p><p>We sit and I lay in between John's legs, my back on his chest. He wraps his arms around my chest. I sigh and melt into john.</p><p>“I love you,” he says.</p><p>“i love you too.” I reply, reaching up to kiss his jaw. He returns the kiss with one on my head. I close my eyes, feeling the gentle breeze, John rolls up my sleeve and traces my scars. He brings my wrist up to his mouth, kissing it gently. The scars are barely noticeable now, you’d only see them if you looked closely.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t remember falling asleep, but John woke me up by shaking me softly.</p><p>“mm.” I hum, my eyes still closed.</p><p>“Alex baby, we fell asleep.” he says as he starts to get up. I sit up and look at my phone, it’s 6:37.</p><p>We stand up and grab the blanket before walking back to my car. I get on the passenger side, and throw the blanket into the backseat. John slides into the driver seat and starts the car.</p><p>I avoid falling asleep in the car as much as I can, turning on the radio. I lean against the window, and take John's hand in my own. I sigh as John rubs small circles in my hand with his thumb.</p><p>we get to our building around 7 pm. The moment we close the door to our dorm, John wraps me in a hug. I gasp out of surprise but I hug back. we let go and change. I lay down in John's bed, him coming to lay with me after he finishes changing.</p><p>I snuggle up to him and sigh.</p><p>“We have classes tomorrow.” he comments.</p><p>“i know. i’m excited.” I respond.</p><p>“What time is your first class?”</p><p>“8:30 yours?”</p><p>“8:45.”</p><p>“Great, you can walk me.” I tease, smirking.</p><p>“sure.” he replies, smiling.</p><p>“I was kidding john. you don’t have to walk me to class.” I say rolling my eyes.</p><p>“aw but i want to.”</p><p>“you are just too cute.” I sigh and smile, burying my head in his chest.</p><p>“shh i know, i know.” he says, i can almost hear his smile.</p><p>I roll my eyes, sit up and lightly peck his cheek before standing up. I pick out my clothes for tomorrow while John eventually gets up and does the same. then we make sure our bags are packed and plug in our laptops.</p><p>John pulled up the campus map for us to get a basic idea of where our classes are. i sit next to him so i can get a better look.</p><p>“Look, our first classes are down the hall from each other.” I say pointing to my class and then pointing to his.</p><p>“wow that is perfect.” he says before he kisses my head. I smile and lay down in John's bed. He comes and lays next to me. I turn away from him smiling and he pulls me back towards him. I sigh and melt into john.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*cronches on cookie*</p><p>hi friends. its me. your author. hi. idk what to put. but i love you. unless you're like a child predator. then i don't love you. sorry. well not really because ew. Anyways, Heeres something funny, they're gonna start school soon and like i'm a whole freshman in high school and have no idea how college works. My knowledge is based off what my mom told me. Feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong. wow. this is chapter 9 and I have chapter 12 written. is that good or bad? or neither? </p><p>whatever. have a nice day. &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. first day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I wake up to my alarm going off at 7:30. One hour to get ready, eat something (john will force me), and get to class. John shuffles in his sleep, signifying that he's waking up. I kiss his forehead and get up. After I go to the bathroom, I get dressed in the clothes I picked out, a light blue hoodie with clouds on it, and some jeans. John gets up and hugs me from behind before going to the bathroom. He comes out to get dressed as I check once more if I have everything in my backpack. I turn around and see John in the army green sweater I got him a few months ago.</p><p>“I’m tired.” he mumbles, as he walks over to me.</p><p>“Me too.” I whisper as John wraps his arms around my waist. I hold his face in my hands and peck his nose before breaking away and putting my laptop in my bag.</p><p>John throws a granola bar at me before he grabs my hand and his bag. We walk out of our dorm, hand in hand. Since our dorm building is on campus, our class building is close enough for us to walk. After about five minutes of walking, we enter the building, we know where to go since we looked at the map. John and I walk to class, passing several students, still holding hands. Finally at 8:23 (I checked the time on my phone), John and I stopped at my class.</p><p>“I’m scared.” I whisper. He smiles and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear before kissing my forehead.</p><p>“It’ll be fine, love” he whispers back. I nod and squeeze his hand once more before letting go and walking into my class.</p><p>The moment I enter, I see my friend Lafayette.</p><p>“Alex!” he exclaims from across the room. I smile and make my way over to him. Sitting next to him is Angelica and someone I don’t know.</p><p>“Hey Laf, Angie.” I say with a smile as I sit next to Laf.</p><p>“Hey Alex, this is Aaron.” Angie gestures towards the person I don’t know.</p><p>“Hi” I said to him. He smiles and waves. Our teacher must have walked in because everyone stopped talking.</p><p>“Good morning class!” a voice starts. I turn towards the door to see a man walking in. “I’m George Washington, your professor. Welcome to law class.”</p><p>“Hi professor!” someone yells towards the front. Suck up. Mr. Washington sighs and smiles, although you can tell it’s forced.</p><p>“Thomas.” he greets dryly.</p><p>“Ugh what an idiot.” Angie mutters.</p><p>The rest of class goes by fine, Mr. Washington gave us an assignment that’s due next week. It’s more of an introduction than an assignment but seeing as it's the first day, it makes sense. I only have one more class today so after that I go back to John and mine's dorm. Today I just have law and history, with Professor Adams. I can already tell I don't like him. I get back to the dorm at around 1:30. Johns not home yet so I start on the assignment Mr. Washington gave us.</p><p>I look up when I hear the door open about 45 minutes later.</p><p>“I’m back!” John calls as he walks in and instantly walks towards me. He sits next to me and takes out his laptop. I’m sitting on my bed for once, so it feels weird for us to sit on my bed together.</p><p>“So how was your first day?” he asks, I smile and take his hand.</p><p>“It was good actually. Yours?” I lean onto his shoulder, he puts an arm around me.</p><p>“Fine. Hercules and Peggy are in my art class.” He replies. I move my laptop off my lap and wrap my hands around his waist.</p><p>“Cool. Laf and Angelica are in my law class. And I met another guy, Aaron. He didn’t have an opinion on anything which was kinda annoying but I have a feeling we’ll be friends.” I say.</p><p>“I’m glad you had a good first day.” he smiles before pressing a soft kiss on my head. I smile and hold onto John tighter.</p><p>“What’re you doing right now?” he asks.</p><p>“Well, I was starting an assignment for law, but you’re distracting me.”</p><p>“Oh then i’ll get up-“ he starts.</p><p>“No! Stay.” I drag out the ‘ay’ part and hold onto John to prevent him from getting up.</p><p>“Okay.” he drags out the ‘ay’ part as he relaxes back. I bury my face into John's neck and close my eyes. John wraps his arm around my upper waist. I lean up and press a soft kiss to his jaw.</p><p>“Do you wanna order some food?” he asks.</p><p>“I guess, I’m not exactly hungry but I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“Okay how about I just run to McDonald's?” he suggests.</p><p>“Yeah that sounds fine. Can you just get me what I normally get?” I ask as he starts to get up.</p><p>“Of course.” he kisses my forehead before grabbing my keys and leaving. “Love you!” he yells as he walks out the door. How does he melt me like that? </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>idk if i've already mentioned this but, a few things,</p><p>1. i have a problem with capitalization, like i just can't do it. idk. i try to tho.<br/>2. i learned how to <b>bold</b> and <i>italicize</i>, so I edited some things in earlier chapters. I didn't change anything it just looks nicer.<br/>3. I'M SWITCHING TO JOHNS POV!!! </p><p>i usually have a hard time writing in johns pov idk but i'm feeling good about it. </p><p>you can skip the next part if you want.</p><p>Heeres some information no one needed or asked for but I feel like I should share, I'm into hamilton, deh and bcm. also heather but like not as much as hamilton, deh and bmc. I'm a boyf riends shipper lmao. Jamilton is my nemesis. no offence to anyone i just don't get it. It's a gray area if i ship tree bros. although, i did read an amazing treerbros fic once. okay maye i do ship it. idk. I've read the book version of bmc and I'm deh is my current read. I LIKE TO READ OKAY??</p><p>okay have a good day &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. did someone say johns pov?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p> John’s pov </p>
</div>So. The author finally switched the point of view. Okay. Well,<p>I don’t think I need to explain how much I love Alex. But I’m gonna do it anyways. It started when we met.</p><p>
  <i>-flashback-</i>
</p><p>“Jack, baby, enough Wii. Why don’t you go outside and play.” my mother says as I play Wii in the living room.</p><p> “Okay, mama.” I obey because one time my father told me that any normal eleven year old who loved their parents would do whatever they said. I pick up my Skip-It from the bin by the front door and walk out. When I step out, my eyes immediately go to a sound across the street.</p><p>“UGGGHHH.” a boy in a too big olive green hoodie yells. He looks to be throwing glass plates on a driveway and shattering them. I look both ways before I cross the street. Just like mama taught me.</p><p>“Uh.. hello?” I say once I get closer to him. His eyes go wide and he squeaks as if I scared him.</p><p>“Who are you?!” he exclaims as he backs up a bit, clutching the other three plates he hasn’t smashed to his chest. </p><p>“I’m John. What's your name?” I ask softly.</p><p>“Alex. What do you want?” he asks. He seems scared but I don’t know why.</p><p>“Oh um.. I was playing outside and I was wondering if you wanted to play with me? I have another Skip-It.” I say.</p><p>He blinks.</p><p>“Another what?” he asks looking curiously at the Skip-It I’m holding.</p><p>“A Skip-It. Here look.” I put it down and start playing with it. He looks surprised, like he’s never seen anyone play with anything before.</p><p>“Woah.. How are you doing that?” he asks, a small smile creeping onto his face.</p><p>“I have another one at my house. It’s right across the street,” I point to my house, “wanna come over with me to get it?”</p><p>
  “Okay.. sure.”
</p><p>
  <i>-end of flashback-</i>
</p><p>After that, Alex and I became best friends. 

</p><p>Moving on, I came out to Alex when we were sophomores, right after he came out to me. Can I just say? I was very happy that someone so close to me understood, even if I didn’t have feelings for him yet. Or knew I did. It's hazy when I realized I liked him, but I knew I was in love with him that Christmas. Anyways, in the small town we grew up in, homophobia was not uncommon. My own father obviously hates me for it, even if he can manage to not comment or only comment when he’s blatantly wasted. Having Alex nearby always made me calm, the same for him. I’ve stopped counting the number of times he’s visibly ‘chilled out’ after I put my hand on his arm or after me taking his hand in mine.</p><p>I first realized my crush on him in our junior year. <b>(the author doesn’t want to write a whole other flashback, but she loves you and will do it anyways.)</b> It was Christmas, he had spent Christmas with my family most years because his cousin was barely around, and he got me a shirt we saw at the mall in November. </p><p>
  <i>-flashback-</i>
</p><p>“Oh my gosh! This shirt is so cute, John! Get it get it get it get it get it!!” Alex said. He’s right, it is super cute, it’s a pale yellow color with three cartoon mushrooms on it. I tried it on and fell in love, but I couldn’t afford it. </p><p>“Oh come on it looks really good on you!” Alex had said, I blushed at that. I didn't get the shirt.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><b> //time skip to Christmas day, brought to you by the author writing this while she just posted chapter 3.//</b> </p>
</div><p>“Okay the last one goes to Jack.” my mother said. I smiled sheepishly and took what was obviously an article of clothing wrapped from her hand. I look to see where it’s from and see Alex’s name. I smile at Alex, who is beaming like he can’t wait for me to open it. </p><p>“Go on! Open it!” he giggles, which makes me unwrap it. My mouth goes dry when I see what it is.</p><p>“Alex you did not.” I look at him, he looks like he’s exploding with happiness. </p><p>“Ahhh! I totally did!!” he says, grinning.</p><p>I jump across the living room floor, tackling him in a hug and knocking him over. We hug for a minute, on the floor of my living room until I think ‘I wish this could last forever.’ </p><p>I pull away from him and smile. ‘Oh no. I have a crush on my best friend, oh god more than that. I'm in love with my best friend.’ I think. I look over to him, his smile piercing my heart. </p><p>
  <i>-end of flashback- </i>
</p><p>I struggled with my feelings with Alex for a very long time, that’s why when he asked me if I could wait to be exclusive, I agreed right away. I know that the only person I love, or even want to love, is Alex. I’ve waited this long, what’s a little longer? There have been so many times I’ve just wanted to hold him until we fell asleep, or hold his hand or kiss him on the top of his head. I just didn’t want to ruin the friendship we already had. Which makes sense, I love Alex as a friend and more, he was my friend first and he has been my best friend for the past seven-ish years. </p><p>In our junior year, a few weeks after his cousin committed, things got bad.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AHHH I am so happy to introduce John's pov! I usually only write in Alex's so it was weird. I have like three-ish more chapters ready and I write when I'm blowing off my school work. Which is more often than you'd think. Fun fact: I used to play with skip-its all the time so I just had to include them. </p><p>READ THIS NEXT PART PLEASE.</p><p>So the next chapter is basically chapter 8 in the pov of John. There will be a self harming and an unnamed eating disorder trigger warning. I will put the same summary as chapter 8 at the bottom.</p><p>Thank you for reading! I like comments!</p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. "alex, no" but johns pov (trigger warning)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TRIGGER WARNINGS:</p><p>SELF HARM REFERENCES<br/>UNNAMED EATING DISORDER</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>(TW)</b>
</p><p>
  <i>-flashback-</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I walk into Alex’s room to see him typing away on his laptop. Didn’t we make plans? He said he would be done by now.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I briefly remember him telling me he hadn't eaten anything when I called him yesterday. I made a point to call or visit him everyday after he found his cousin. He normally just tells me he’s fine and that he’s busy, but this time he looked and sounded more like himself, and had agreed that we would go on a car ride like we used too. He would even let me drive.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex?” I say as I sit next to him on his bed.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Hmm?” he replies without looking up from his laptop. I remember that college applications are due in three days. He must not have finished yet.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“When was the last time you ate?” I ask softly. I want him to feel safe enough to be honest.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Um. I had a fruit cup Tuesday morning?” He says more like a question than a statement. It's Thursday.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex come on. Take a break.” I say, standing up and holding my hand out for him to take.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I need to finish this.” he says, looking up to me quickly before looking back at his computer.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You need to eat.” I deadpan. He stops typing for a moment and pulls his hands from his keyboard.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I will. Just let me finish this paragraph.” he says, almost pleadingly. I put a hand on his.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex, please,” I say.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“John I need to do this.” his voice sounds fragile as if it’s about to break. I take his laptop off his lap.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What the hell?” He yells as he tries to get it out of my hands. I don’t let him. Instead, I pick him up. It's not difficult since he’s light and short. He huffs. I ignore it. I bring him to his bathroom and put him down in front of the mirror.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“John.” he warns. I look at him through the mirror, trying not to cry at how unhealthy he looks. I feel my eyes water anyway. I sigh and lift up the hoodie he stole from me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“John!” He struggles while trying to force the hoodie down.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Stop. Look.” I say somewhat harshly. He looks in the mirror finally, before looking back up at me. I notice something I suspect to be a tear falling on his cheek. I lead him to the scale in the corner of the bathroom.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“John stop.” he says as I gently push him towards it. “Please.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I struggle to put him on the scale. He fights it, he obviously doesn’t want me to see. I feel my heart shatter. I break.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“dammit alex.” my voice cracks. I feel a single helpless tear fall down my cheek. I’m not much of a crier, I’ve never been. I've probably cried a total of four times while I've been friends with Alex. So he knows that when he sees my tears, it’s bad. And it is.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I-“ he cuts himself off. I look at him. Something kicks in and I start begging.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Please Alex. You need to take care of yourself. If not for yourself, do it for me.” I beg. He makes that one face he makes, the ‘I’m trying not to cry and succeeding’ face. He takes my hand.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Okay, I'm sorry.” he says. His eyes move to the scale. “I don’t wanna look.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I hug him tightly before he steps onto the scale. Instead of looking at the number, he looks at me. I look at the number, 113, and take a deep breath. I look back up at him and grab his wrist to guide him off the scale. He winces when I do so. My biggest fear becomes reality.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What?” I ask, hoping to God that what I'm thinking isn't true. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>He looks in my eyes before walking out of the bathroom and sitting on his bed, leaving me in the bathroom. I follow him and watch as he rolls up his left sleeve, Although his back is against me and most of them are covered I could still see some. Scars. Some more pinkish red, some more blending into his skin tone, littering his left arm. He brings his sleeve down again, wiping his face before he turns around to face me. The look on my face had to give me away. He knows I saw.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“So are we gonna get food?” he asks with a smile. I walk towards him, and grab his hand. He doesn’t even try to fight it. His smile fades as I pull up his sleeve. I gasp when I see the many scars on my Alex’s wrist. Why? Why had he done it? Does he really feel this unloved? Doesn’t he know how much I love him?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex..” I whisper. We lock eyes. He makes his ‘I’m trying not to cry and succeeding’ face again. I raise an arm and he flinches, but instead of hitting him, like he probably thought I would, I cup his cheek in my hand. He leans forward, hugging me. We fall down on his bed and I hold him for a while, feeling the constant stream of tears running down my face, before I take his left arm and kiss his cuts through his hoodie sleeve. I can’t help it. I can’t bear the thought that someone I love so much would feel so utterly terrible that he did this.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“please don’t do it again.” I whisper, more tears falling.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“John..” he says. It’s a plea for me to not force him. I take his face in my hands again. He’s crying now. I kiss his forehead, without thinking. When I pull back his eyes are closed.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alex please don't,” I said after he lays his head on my chest.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“okay. I won't. I promise.” he says, and I can tell he means it.I start running my hands through his hair. The amount I love this boy grows everyday, and I can’t do anything about it. Oh well, I’ll just take this moment, us sitting on his bed, him practically clinging to me, while I pull him closer to my chest. ‘I love you, Alex’ I think in my head.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>-end of flashback-</i>
</p><p>
  <b>(END OF TW)</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In junior year, Alex had was self harming and had an unnamed eating disorder. John found out and they had a minor moment. (John kissed his forehead and his cuts through his sleeve.)</p><p> </p><p>Thank you for reading. Seriously. Thank you. </p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. doggie day care</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>alt title: a new addition to the family</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was difficult to get through, but he got better with my help. Senior year was one huge blur, I have a few good memories with Alex. Even though we spent all of our time together, we normally just hung out and watched tv. I do have this one memory when we went to the fair and it took all my willpower not to just kiss him, which, honestly, I regret not doing. It would have just saved so much time.</p><p>I love Alex with all of my heart and I would do anything for him. Like literally anything. That boy could look at me, say “I want the world” and I’d find a way to give it to him. I know, I’m completely gone for Alex. </p><p>Right now I’m on my way to McDonald’s to pick up some dinner. Well it’s not exactly dinnertime but it’s close enough. I go through the drive through and get Alex and I what we normally get. After seven years you pick up a few things. On my way into our dorm building I’m stopped in the lobby by a dog. How did a dog get in here?</p><p>“Uh..” I say as the dog comes and sniffs my feet. I crouch down to see if it has a collar. It doesn't. She doesn’t. She’s small and fluffy. What the heck am I supposed to do? I’m just standing in the lobby of our dorm building, holding a bag of McDonalds, staring at a random dog I found. I call Alex.</p><p>“Hello, my lovely John.” he answers almost immediately after I call.</p><p>“Hey. I found a dog.”</p><p>“What? Where? When?”</p><p>“Right now? In the lobby? She doesn’t have a collar or anything.”</p><p>“I’m on my way. Love you. Oh my god it feels so good to say that.” he whispers the last part before he hangs up. I pocket my phone and about a minute later the elevator doors open and Alex is standing there. I smile when I see him. He stole my Tyler, the creator hoodie. Don’t tell anyone, but Alex is the cutest person in the entire world.</p><p>“Hi.” I say when he walks towards me. </p><p>“Hi.” he says and looks at the dog. “And hello to you too.” he smiles.</p><p>“What should we do?” I ask, because I honestly don’t know.</p><p>“Well she doesn’t have a collar and she’s skinny and her nails are long. She probably wasn’t being taken care of.”</p><p>“Hmm.” I know where this is going. Alex is gonna wanna keep her. </p><p>“Sit.” Alex commands. She does. He kneels down and starts petting her. She lays down and rolls onto her back, Alex scratches her belly.</p><p>“Huh. She’s trained.” He’s making his case, she’s trained, we can do it, he’ll do everything. Blah blah blah. I’m not gonna be able to refuse.</p><p>“John?” Here it comes.</p><p>“Yes, love?” I mean it would be fun, but we’d have to take her out and our RA is kind of lenient, he probably wouldn’t mind as long as she didn't mess up anything.</p><p>“Can we keep her? Please? Please? Oh please John? I wanna hold her and snuggle her and take care of her. And she’s trained and it wouldn’t be hard and it’ll be like our own little family. Please?” he says in one big word vomit. It’s the family bit that gets to me. </p><p>“What if she has an owner?” I ask.</p><p>“We’ll put up flyers but if no one calls, then can we keep her?” I sigh.</p><p>“What should we call her?” I smile when Alex hugs me. He lightly squeals before he picks her up and starts talking again. He keeps his eyes on her while he walks towards the elevator.</p><p>“It depends. What letter do you think it should start with?” he asks.</p><p>“Either C or D.”</p><p>“Okay that’s exactly what I was thinking. Um there's Caramel, Cocoa, Cora, Coraline, Cordelia, Courtney, Cricket, Crystal, Cupcake, Charli, Cupid, and Cutie for the Cs and Daisy, Dakota, Dana, Darlene, Davina, Dee Dee, Delia, Delilah, Demi, Desert Rose, Destiny, Dewdrop, Diamond, Dallas, Dido, Dollie, Diva, Dixie, Dodie or Dolly for Ds. That was a lot, sorry.” by the time he’s done we’re at our door.</p><p>“How about Danielle?” I ask. “Dannie for short.” He lights up and opens the door.</p><p>“Yes! That’s perfect. Isn’t it, Dannie?” He puts her down as we walk in and she sniffs around before jumping onto Alex's bed. She sniffs around some more and lays on his bed.</p><p>“We need to go shopping if we’re gonna keep her.” I point out. </p><p>“Okay let's go to petsmart, it doesn’t close until 8 and it's only now 3.” he says. Okay, do you think she’ll stay by us? Or will she run away?”</p><p>“Hmm,” he starts and stands up “Dannie,” her head perks up. “Heel.” Nothing happens. “Work?” She hops off the bed and stands by Alex. He walks around the room and she follows. </p><p>“Call her.” he says to me. I smile.</p><p>“Dannie. Come here girl.” she looks at me but doesn’t come. </p><p>“Break?” Alex says, sort of like a question. Dannie leaves him and jumps on my lap. I start petting her while Alex smiles.</p><p>“I think she’ll stick.” he says.</p><p>“Alright let’s go.” Alex picks up Dannie and we open the door just to see Laf about to knock.</p><p>“John! Alex!” he says and looks at Dannie. “Who is this?”</p><p>“This is Dannie, we found her, we’re keeping her, we’ve accepted her into our family and we are going to petsmart.” Alex says.</p><p>“Hi Laf.” I say with a smile.</p><p>“Oh right, hi.” Alex adds. Laf smiles.</p><p>“Well I came over to ask if you guys wanted to come to our dorm and watch Heather's but you have places to be.” he says.</p><p>“We can come after! We love heather's. Original or Bootleg?” I say, knowing Alex wants to go.</p><p>“Original, and you can bring Dannie, Herc loves dogs.” he smiles before starting to walk towards his dorm. “The Schuyler's are coming, as well as Aaron and his girlfriend. The movie will start at 5:30-ish. See you guys later!” he steps into his dorm before we get a chance to say bye. Alex takes my hand.</p><p>“Come on.” he says and puts Dannie down. “Heel.” We walk down the stairs instead of the elevator, I’m not entirely sure why. We walk to the car and for once, Alex beats me.</p><p>“You have got to be kidding me,” I say. He laughs and gets in the driver seat. I pick up Dannie and get in the passenger seat. I can tell Alex is jealous that Dannie is on my lap. It’s hilariously cute. I laugh and he looks at me. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Are you jealous?” I say with a smile, I continue to pet Dannie. He makes a surprised face and then smiles.</p><p>“Jealous? Jealous! You don't even exist to me! You don't exist!” he says. I cackle.</p><p>“Did you just make a reference to The Craft?” I ask between laughs. He doesn't reply, just giggles. We soon arrive at petsmart and hop out of the car. </p><p>“Dannie, work.” I say and put her on the ground, she waits for me to walk. Alex comes around the car and takes my hand. We walk into the store and right away see a bunch of clearance pride stuff.</p><p>“This feels wrong but we’re also broke.” Alex says. I laugh.</p><p>“Wanna get our child a whole pride themed set?” I ask.</p><p>“I feel like she can pick it out herself.” he looks at me and smiles.</p><p>“Yeah?” I kneel down and hold out a purple and rainbow collar. “Dannie, which one do you want?” she sniffs both before pawing the purple one.</p><p>“Okay! Purple.” I stand back up and whisper to Alex, “I feel a little threatened by how smart she is.”</p><p>“Yea same.” he agrees and giggles.</p><p>We end up getting the purple collar, a light blue leash, a pride lamb toy thing, a couple tennis balls, an assortment of dog treats that Alex forced me to get her.</p><p>“What's the point if we aren’t even gonna spoil her?” he asked, then gave me his ‘pwease?’ face and he just <i>knows</i> I can’t resist that. </p><p>We also got her a yellow dog bed that I have a feeling she’ll never use, matching water and food bowls, a mat to go under them, dog food of course and a bow for her collar.</p><p>“She’ll make the other doggies swoon.” Alex had said. </p><p>We paid and got in the car, Alex willingly getting in the passenger seat for once, Dannie snuggling up in his lap. </p><p>“We should take her to the vet, huh?” I ask. </p><p>“I’m already looking for one.” he says and gives his attention back to his phone. “Okay this one's good.” He gives me the address.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi friends. heres a chapter. I hope you guys liked it. Please welcome Dannie into Alex and Johns family. im gonna start posting the chapters more spread out to give myself time to write. i'm starting a new work soon-ish, but don't worry i'm not abandoning this one. It's gonna be a series of one shots in hamilton bmc and deh, if you're into that. Fun facts of the day: my mother asked me what my story was about and I couldn't just tell her is was about Alexander Hamilton dating John laurens (even though they aren't dating, yet ;) ) the deh book is sad, the bmc book is way diff than the musical and my fav song rn is fool by cavetown. i ramble. heres some fun info, theres 200 hits! woah! thats like a lot. I like reading comments and i'll give you a cookie if you do comment *cronches on cookie* okay, have a nice day.</p><p>&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS???</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>SO, i write and post on my laptop because my //mother// has restrictions on my phone, i just got word that ao3 is gonna be blocked on my laptop. i can't finish the story. im sorry. please forgive. this is all I have written in one chapter. im sorry.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Alex’s pov</b>
</p><p>“Oh my god, her face!” I laugh as me and John run out of Walmart. </p><p>“Priceless!” he laughs. I look up at him smiling. </p><p>okay so a little background, me and john have been best friends since the 8th grade. I had just moved to america from nevis to live with my cousin. We are now entering our freshman year of college. Right now it’s august 3rd. School starts in 5 days. We both applied and got into Kings college in new york. It's a huge difference from the small town in South Carolina he and I grew up in. Luckily, we were able to share a dorm!  </p><p>I met John a month after my mother passed away. I was playing in my cousins yard when he asked if I wanted to play with him. We were both eleven years old. When we were both sophomores, I came out to him as bisexual. coincidentally, he had planned to come out to me as gay that same day. </p><p>-flashback-</p><p>“hey john?” I ask nervously. what if he doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore? What if he hates me?</p><p>“yes?” he replies looking up from his phone. </p><p>“Um I’m bi..” I say quickly. He looks to be eyes wide. oh god he’s gonna hate me. </p><p>“Wait really?!!” he asks as he starts to smile. is this good or bad? is he gonna make fun of me?</p><p>“yea?..” I say quietly.</p><p>“Shut up! I’m gay!!” he basically yells.  I let out a sigh of relief.</p><p>“oh my god! i thought you were gonna hate me!” I yell, starting to cry. I've never told anyone that I like girls and boys. </p><p>“Alex, I thought you were gonna hate me!” he yells back. </p><p>“i couldn’t.. i couldn’t hate you.” I mumble. He suddenly runs at me, tackling me in a hug. I hugged back tightly. we pull away about a minute later both of us are crying. out of<br/>
happiness of course. </p><p>-end of flashback-</p><p>We had just knocked a whole display of candies down so we ran out of the store before anyone could catch us. There was a woman there who tried to stop us but John just<br/>
yelled that there was a rat and we ran. We start walking to my car and he beats me to the driver's seat. </p><p>“john let me drive!” I whined. </p><p>“nope! you always drive. you need to relax.” he says in a soft but also somehow harsh tone. </p><p>“humph!” I say hoping he’ll change his mind. </p><p>“I'm not changing my mind,” he said as if he could read my mind. I definitely hope he can’t. That would be very embarrassing.</p><p>We get back to our dorm and after we change into comfortable clothes we sit down on John's bed. My bed is across from his, but I want to be next to him. Since he’s taller than me by about four inches, I look up at him. He's so pretty. </p><p>“what?” he asks when he notices me staring. </p><p>“nothing. just your pretty is all.” i reply sighing. he throws a pillow at me. </p><p>“oh shut up. you’re pretty too.” he laughs. </p><p>“haha am not. liar.” I accuse. </p><p>“what? you are pretty. don’t say that. If you want proof just look in a mirror.” he says as we lay back in John's bed. </p><p>“sorry.” I mumble. johns takes my hand. </p><p>“don’t apologize.” John says softly. “and don’t lie!” he starts to laugh. I start giggling. I hate my laugh. John always says it’s cute. </p><p>He tackles me in a hug. Of course I hug back. I'm sitting with my back against the wall, John hugging me from my side. I run my hands through his hair. He looks up at me. </p><p>“Hmm?” I question. He pulls up his hand as if he’s gonna touch my face, but instead goes back to his hugging position. </p><p>“Nothing. just your pretty is all.” he says with a small laugh. </p><p>“isn’t that exactly what i said to you like 3 minutes ago?” i giggle </p><p>“well it’s true!” he exclaims. “you can’t expect me to not tell you that you’re pretty. you’re my-“ he cut himself off. </p><p>“I'm your what?” I ask with a smile. </p><p>“best friend. you’re my best friend.” he says with a sad smile. </p><p>“and your mine.” I smile. i wonder what he was really gonna say. </p><p>After that we watched some movies. we never had a problem sleeping in the same bed, we have had many sleepovers over the five years we’ve been friends. We have a certain way we do it, I sleep on the left side with most of the blankets while John sleeps on the right side with little to no blankets. Anyways, I don’t remember what it was about because i fell asleep in the beginning </p><p> </p><p>“Alex get up i wanna get breakfast.” I woke up to John shaking me gently.</p><p>“Mmm” I angrily moan and hide my face in John's pillow. </p><p>“come on i’ll get you coffee.” he says as he starts to get dressed. with that i’m convinced. </p><p>“okay but i want a donut.” i say as i start to get up. I put on a pair of jeans and a forest green hoodie. I grab my phone and keys and head for the bathroom. </p><p>I walk out of the bathroom and John is ready. He's wearing a light blue sweater with some jeans. He looks so pretty. </p><p>“Ready?” he asks. </p><p>“Mhmm '' I reply. of course, John steals the keys from my hand and runs to the driver's seat of my car. </p><p>“John!'' I whine as I sit on the passengers side. </p><p>“Yes, love?” he replies, all innocent like. I roll my eyes, smiling. </p><p>“Oh my god.” I laugh as he turns on the radio. He drives us to some coffee place, and I order while John goes to the bathroom. </p><p>“Hi can I get a tall iced coffee and,” I look at the text John sent me, “an iced, Ristretto, 10 shot, venti, with breve, 5 pump vanilla, 7 pump caramel, 4 Splenda, [and] poured,<br/>
not shaken. ”</p><p>“A friend's order?” the barista says. I looked at his name tag. Samuel. </p><p>“Something like that.” i say with a sigh. </p><p>“Can i get a name?” Samuel asks</p><p>“Alex.” I replied and paid. </p><p>“I'll have those right for you.” he says, chuckling. I smile and sit on a bench. </p><p>“For Alex?” Samuel says and puts down two drinks.<br/>
I grab them, giving Samuel a smile. as i go to take a sip of my iced coffee, i notice something written on the side. </p><p> </p><p>(455) 661- 7334 call me. Sam. </p><p>I look back at Samuel. He smiles and after he puts a drink out walks towards me. Out of the corner of my eye I see John walking out of the bathroom. </p><p>“I know this might be forward but, wanna go out sometime?” he asks. I look to John for help. He walks over to me. </p><p>“Um Samuel, this is John, my boyfriend.” i state in a panic. I know it’s probably rude to tell Samuel that I’m dating John, but I don’t want to go out with him and I'm too awkward of a person to just say no. I look up at John, his face calm, him smiling. I hugged him from the side and handed him his drink. </p><p>“Hi!” John says, smiling. </p><p>“Oh. Hi. Sorry.” Samuel says, his smile now gone. </p><p>“It’s okay. you didn’t know.” Me and John walk out. Him still holding me by the waist. </p><p>“So, what was that about?” John asks as we walk to my car. </p><p>“Ugh he asked me out and i was not interested.” I say. </p><p>“Well I liked the game,” He replies. </p><p>“Me too.”I replied with a smile. </p><p>“you’re basic.” I giggle when we get to the car. </p><p>“what? am not” he says with a laugh. </p><p>“You got the longest coffee order I’ve ever seen! What are you, a twelve year old girl?” i say with a laugh. </p><p>“Whatever.” he says with a smile as he eats his doughnut.</p><p>“John?” I say as I start to wonder where we’re going. </p><p>“Hmm?” he responds, his mouth full with doughnut. </p><p>“Where are you kidnapping me to?” I ask , looking out the car window. </p><p>“The park. we’re going to the side with all the cherry blossoms.” he says as he pulls my car into the parking lot. </p><p>We get out of the car and start walking through all the kids to get to the side with the cherry trees. John wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. We sit on a<br/>
bench that’s surrounded by the pretty trees. I lean against John and look at the trees. </p><p>“It’s so pretty here.” I look up and notice johns already staring at me. </p><p>“Yes it’s very pretty.” he says with a smile. I blush with a smile and look back at the trees. </p><p>After about an hour of sitting and talking we decide to head back to the dorm. </p><p>The day was spent watching musicals, Heather's, Waitress, Les Mis, and being more chill. as it starts to get dark, John orders some chinese and eats while watching Dear Evan<br/>
Hansen. Of course, I end up crying in my noodles.</p><p>The musical ended and John looked at me with concern in his face as soft thunder rolls. Then rain pours outside our window. </p><p>“John.” I say quietly, closing my eyes. I had always had a great fear of storms ever since my brother had died during a hurricane when I lived in the nevis. I can already tell that<br/>
this storm is going to be bad. </p><p>“Come here.” he says softly. I move across the bed to him and snuggle up next to him. </p><p>“John I-“ suddenly a loud crack of thunder interrupts me. I scream and bury my face in John's shoulder. He gently starts running his hand through my hair. He knows that<br/>
relaxes me. I sigh into his chest as I try to push the bad thoughts away. </p><p>~“ALEX HELP I'M STUCK!” James yells.~</p><p>“Mmm” I hum as I try to get James’ voice out of my head. “talk to me.” I whisper to john. as a single tear rolls down my cheek. </p><p>“Okay. so tomorrow I was thinking we could go to the museum and maybe get some lunch, then come back to our dorm and watch a movie? Something new? What do you<br/>
wanna see?” he finishes with a question as a very loud bit of thunder paired with a strike of lightning takes my attention. I sit up and I look towards our window. </p><p>“Hey.” he says, taking my chin between his thumb and index finger, guiding my head to face him. “look at me.”</p><p>I look at his eyes. his beautiful hazel eyes. </p><p>“Focus, what do you see?” he asks softly. my frown relaxed as I continued to look at john. </p><p>“I see you. in your eyes. your pretty hazel eyes.'' I lean back into his chest. “I see your Tyler, the creator hoodie.” I say as I bury my face in his hoodie after another roll of<br/>
thunder. </p><p>~“ALEX LOOKOUT!” James screams before a piece of  debris knocks me off my feet.~</p><p>I start sobbing into John Tyler, the creator hoodie. i like this hoodie. I've stolen it before. it smelled of john. but not what he smells like. like the atmosphere i feel when i’m with him. It feels warm and pink. that makes no sense. I want to steal it again. </p><p>“Alex, baby, what are you thinking about?” he asks in a hushed tone as he runs his fingers across my back. every touch soothes my nerves. </p><p>“James.'' I whisper. “the hurricane.'' I never told John much about the hurricane, only that I lost my brother during it and I found him during the aftermath, seeing his body under a crushed house in the corner of my eye. </p><p>Another roll of thunder, a particularly loud one and a huge strike of lightning. I scream and hug John tightly. my hand found their way around his hips. I pull myself on his lap<br/>
instinctively, sitting on it, and hide my head in his chest. He wraps his arms around me hugging me back. I cry harder. I cry for James. I cry for my mother. I cried because of<br/>
my dad. I cry because I'm hugging John and I feel like maybe he’ll make everything okay. Ever since that first time a storm struck while I was with him, he’s always been my support. I continue to cry remembering how difficult it was to get off that island. </p><p>He kisses my forehead gently. I blush and look up at him. I always blush when he does that. He smiles. I lay my head back down on his chest. He pulls a blanket on us and I pull my arms up to my chest. another loud roll of thunder. I lightly squeal and grip John's hoodie for dear life. </p><p>He seems to notice I'm getting worse so he pulls me up. I comply and sit up with a confused face. </p><p>“I'm sorry I'll get off you.” I mumble and start to move. </p><p>“Wait, don't,” John stops me by bringing his hand to my cheek. I instinctively leaned into his touch, sighing. I notice the storm starts to die down but I don't care. All I care<br/>
about is john. </p><p>“John I-“ i cut myself off not having the right words. </p><p>“Alex.” he says, looking into my eyes. I love when he looks at me like that. like he’s thinking about me. I love when he smiles. i love his voice. I love his gentle, soothing touch. </p><p>Oh my god I love him. I love john. </p><p>I look at him and time seems to stop. I love john. </p><p>I leaned towards him, stopping just before his face. I love this boy with everything inside me. I quickly pressed my lips against his. his eyes widened. I just kissed john. </p><p>“John, I love you.” I whisper, breaking the silence. </p><p>“Good because I love you too. I have for so long.” he whispers. I can feel his breath on my lips. I guess I have too. </p><p>I blush and hug him again. He smiles and kisses me again. it feels so right, his lips on mine. I melt into the kiss. we eventually break apart, our foreheads meeting. </p><p>“Are you tired, love?” John asks. I nod wearily. </p><p>“Okay let’s go to sleep.” he says gently. We both lay down in John's bed. Instead of going to our normal positions, John lays on the left side, me on the right. He pulls me </p><p>towards him. Me becoming the little spoon. I bury my head into his chest and he pulls the blanket over both of us. I find his hand and hold it with both my hands, close to my<br/>
chest. I lean up and leave a gentle kiss on his jaw. I face my head back towards his chest and feel a soft kiss on the top of my head. we fall asleep like that, him holding me. </p><p> </p><p>I wake up to John sitting up and softly crying. </p><p>“John?” I whisper. </p><p>“Oh Alex. Hi.” he jumps a little when he realizes i’m awake. </p><p>“What's wrong?” I ask looking at the clock by John's bed. it’s 4:22. </p><p>“Oh um it’s nothing.” he says, trying to wipe his tears away, although he's obviously still crying. </p><p>“Baby, it’s not nothing if it’s making you cry.” I say as I move to lay in his lap, him sitting against the wall. He starts stroking my cheek with his hand. </p><p>“It’s nothing, darling.” he whispers smiling. I take his hand from my cheek and bring it to my lips, kissing his hand. </p><p>“You can tell me, johnny.” I say I hope to be reassured. </p><p>John sighs. </p><p>“It’s my dad. He drunkenly called me at four am just to yell at me.” he says looking up. johns dad has always been extremely homophobic, using the f-slur and claiming that i<br/>
turned him gay.</p><p>“Oh John.” i say as i sit up. I sit up on his lap, straddling him. I wrap my arms around his neck. </p><p>“What’d he say?” I ask. looking into his eyes. </p><p>“He said that if i want to be gay then i’m not his son.” he says as more tears fall down his face. I hug him tightly. He hugs back, still crying. </p><p>“I’m so sorry baby.” I whisper in his ear. I kissed his cheek softly. </p><p>He pulls me forward, so that we’re facing each other again. He presses his forehead to mine. </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>I kiss him gently. He kisses back just as gently as I do. Just a moment later we pull apart. </p><p>“Let’s lay down.” I recommend. </p><p>“Okay.” he agrees. I lay back down, John lays his head on my chest. I try to fall asleep. When I hear John breathing slow, I know he has. </p><p>I don't know why anyone would be so mean to John. He's so nice to everyone and is never mean, he's very very pretty, he has like ten thousand freckles, </p><p> </p><p>I wake up again to my alarm at eight. I turn it off and start to get up, but John pulls me back down. He holds me in his arms. </p><p>“Yes?” I say, amused. </p><p>“Stay.” he whispers.</p><p>“We need to get up.” I say although I continue to snuggle up against him wrapping my arms around him. </p><p>“Do we really though?” he asks. “i wanna lay in your arms forever.” I can basically hear his smile. I sit up a little. </p><p>“John what are we?” I ask , hovering over him. He opens his eyes fully, slightly smiling. </p><p>“I dunno. what do you want to be?” he asks. </p><p>“I don’t think I’m ready for a boyfriend yet, but I still want to love on you.” I say and lay on top of him, my head on his chest. “Do you think you could wait?” </p><p>“Of course I can, love. I'm not really ready for a relationship either. and if i’m gonna have one with you i want it to be serious.” he pulls me up a bit and kisses me. I melt then and there. His words strike my heart, making me love him even more. </p><p>I giggle and kiss him many times all over his face. He laughs and tries to pull away. I just keep kissing him, on his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his jaw. </p><p>“Alex!” he laughs. </p><p>“What?” I ask innocently as I put my hand on his stomach and start to tickle him. </p><p>“You’re tickling me!” he laughs harder.</p><p>I chuckle and kiss him on the lips one last time. </p><p>“I'm just making up for all the kisses I've never given you.” I say as I lay my head back down on his chest. </p><p>“What do you wanna do today?” he asks as he starts running his fingers through my hair. </p><p>“I dunno. I just wanna love on you.” I replied. </p><p>“You already are!” he laughs. </p><p>I smile and kiss him again. we sit up and carry on with our day until around three pm a knock comes on our dorm door. </p><p>“Who could that be?” John asks. </p><p>“I dunno. We don’t really know anyone.” I go and open the door. Two boys are at our door smiling. </p><p>“uh hello?” I say. </p><p>“Bonjour! My name is Lafayette, but you can call me Laf. And this is mon amour, Hercules.” Lafayette says. John gets up and joins me by the door. </p><p>“Uh hi. I'm Alex and this is john.” I say motioning to john. </p><p>“Hi. what’s up?” John asks. </p><p>“Um we wanted to say hello! we are in the dorm down the hall.” Hercules says, pointing to a dorm down the hall. “We were wondering if you guys wanted to go to the beach<br/>
with us and some friends. It's sort of the last day of summer.”</p><p>I look up at John. He smiles and nods his head.</p><p>“Yea sure we’d love to! When do we leave?” I replied smiling. </p><p>Lafayette smiles. </p><p>“You guys can come in our car and we expect to leave in an hour. Is that okay?” Lafayette says. </p><p>“sounds fun! we’ll come to your dorm in an hour.” john says. </p><p>“okay! see you soon.” hercules says.</p><p>“bye!” lafayette adds.</p><p>Before I shut our dorm door. I go to the closet and pull out mine and John's swimming trunks. I start to change, taking off my shirt, as I talk to john. </p><p>“John, did we just make friends?” I ask , smiling. I look at John who is currently staring at me. </p><p>“what?” I ask, confused. </p><p>“alex.” he mumbles. </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Aww, you’re so cute” he says quietly. I feel myself blush. </p><p>I walk over to him and kiss him softly. I push him on the bed and straddle his hips. Instead of kissing him again, I just hug him. I’m sure he knows that I love to just hug him.</p><p>“I love you.” he says. </p><p>I smile, pecking him in the lips before jumping off of him. </p><p>“Come on, let’s get ready.” I say and take my swimming trunks to the bathroom leaving John on his bed. </p><p>“Okay” he says.</p><p>An hour later, as promised, we went to Lafayette and Hercules’ dorm. John knocks on the door. Hercules answers. </p><p>“Hey John, Alex. Are we all ready? Laf?” Hercules says after he opens the door. </p><p>“Yes I'm ready, Herc!” Laf calls from inside the dorm. Laf meets us at the door. </p><p>“We’re ready to go.” I say. Herc and Laf lead the way. </p><p>As we go down the hall, John takes my hand in his. I blush, and squeeze his hand softly. He only lets go when we need to get in the car. </p><p>In Hercs car me and John sit in the back while Laf and Herc sit in the front. On the way to the beach we talk about ourselves, our majors etc. as soon as we get to the beach we<br/>
all hop out of the car. </p><p>“LAF!!! HERC!!!” a girl in a yellow bathing suit yells running up to them and hugging them tightly. </p><p>“Peggy!” Herc and Laf simultaneously yell. </p><p>“Who are these guys?” she asks when she sees us. </p><p>“Um, I'm John and this is Alex. we live in the dorm across from Laf and Hercs.” John replies, smiling. </p><p>“Hi” i say. </p><p>“Okay cool! I'm Peggy, the youngest of the Schuyler sisters.” she states as a girl in a baby blue bathing suit and a girl in a pink bathing suit come towards us. </p><p>“this,” she gestures to the girl in the blue bathing suit “is Eliza and this,” she gestures to the girl in the pink bathing suit “ is Angelica, the oldest Schuyler sister.” </p><p>“Hi.” me and john say at the same time. </p><p>“Hi.” Eliza and angelica say at the same time.</p><p>“Let’s go swim!” Peggy yells as she runs down the beach, into the water. </p><p>“We have a bonfire set for later tonight.” Eliza says as we walk down the beach. I nod. </p><p> I stop about 15 feet from the water, John stopping when I do. </p><p>“Do you wanna stop here?” he asks gently. </p><p>“yes please.” I say quietly looking up at him. </p><p>“okay let’s put our towels down.” </p><p>“John go play.” I say with a smile. “i’ll sit here.” </p><p>“Are you sure?” he asks as I sit down. </p><p>“yes, love now go.” </p><p>“okay. love you, doll.” I giggle at John's southerness. </p><p>“love you too.” i say softly as he runs away. a minute later, Peggy sits down next to me. </p><p>“hey” she smiles cheerfully. </p><p>“hi Peggy.” I smile , still looking towards john. </p><p>“So is John a good boyfriend?”</p><p>“what? oh john's not my boyfriend.'' I laugh. </p><p>“oh but act like you are.” she says. </p><p>“no we aren’t dating, but we do love each other. we talked about it. neither of us are ready for a relationship, but we still love each other.” I sigh watching John play volleyball<br/>
with Angelica and Eliza. </p><p>“i can tell you love him.” she says. </p><p>“how so?” I ask. </p><p>“the way you look at him. definitely the way you talk about him.” she smiles and looks down. </p><p>“hmm what about you? anyone special?”</p><p>“There is someone. Her name is maria.” she smiles sadly. </p><p>“Are you two dating?” I ask softly. </p><p>“No. She has a boyfriend. He's mean to her though. abusive. she would leave him but she’s scared of what he’ll do if she does.” her smile fades. </p><p>“I'm sorry Peggy.” I say. “sometimes we have to wait for our happy ending.”</p><p>“Thanks Alex.” she says as she fixes the strap of her bathing suit. </p><p>“No problem. so, how are you so hyper? You basically attacked laf and herc earlier.” I say with a smile.</p><p>“i just want them to know how much i love them. When me and my sisters were kids, I was always an afterthought.”</p><p>“hmm” i hum signifying that she went on. </p><p>“I mean it’s never ‘and Angelica’ or ‘and Eliza’ but it’s always ‘and Peggy’. It gets annoying.” she says </p><p>“I get that. you want to let everyone know that you love and appreciate them. unlike what you felt as a child.” I say. </p><p>“yea. you’re easy to talk to. we’re gonna be good friends.” she says before getting up to go play volleyball. “see ya!” she says as she walks away. </p><p>“bye, pegs!” I say as I see John coming back up to me. </p><p>He sits on his towel next to me. I lean on him. </p><p>“I love you.” I state. </p><p>“I love you too,” he replies softly. </p><p>We continue looking at the water. Instead of watching Laf and Herc make out in the ocean, we watch the Schuyler's play around with a volleyball. We look into the skyline as the<br/>
sun starts to set. Suddenly we hear french yelling.</p><p>“Herc! Tu veux dire! Oh mon Dieu, je suis tout mouillé!” Laf yells. We look over to see laf in the water, having probably fallen, and Herc standing up laughing.</p><p>“What happened?” John asks.</p><p>“I think Herc pushed him into the water.” I state, having understood Laf because, not to brag, but I'm fluent in french, spanish and english. </p><p>I look up at John. He looks down at me. He brings his hand to my cheek. I leaned into his touch still staring in his eyes. </p><p>“Hey guys! Hercs setting the fire!” Eliza calls from the bonfire spot. </p><p>“Come on.” John stands up and holds out his hand. I ignore it and get up on my own smiling. </p><p>“Hmph!” he fakes a frown. I roll my eyes before taking his hand and kissing it gently before I drop it and run to Peggy. </p><p>“PEGGY!!” I yell and run towards her. </p><p>“ALEX!!” Peggy yells and opens her arms. I jump into a hug, knocking her chair over and into the sand. </p><p>I hold Peggy in a tight hug, her hugging back. </p><p>“Well those two became fast friends.” Herc comments.</p><p>“Guys, I hate to cut this short, but there’s a huge spider right there.” John says as we hug. We scream and jump up, just to realize there’s no spider. And everyone’s laughing. </p><p>“John!” I whined. “Why would you do that?!” </p><p>He laughs and comes over to me. </p><p>“I’m sorry, love.” he says and tries to hug me. </p><p>“Hmph!” I say and turn around swiftly. He hugs me from behind. I roll my eyes with a smile and walk towards where everyone is sitting, him only letting go when we sit down. I<br/>
sit next to Peggy. John sits at my side. I lean into his shoulder. </p><p>“So you guys are dating?” Angelica asks. </p><p>“Uh-uh.” I reply softly, shaking my head. John takes my hand and softly kisses it. I look up at him smiling. Everyone looks at us with confused expressions except Peggy. </p><p>“Um okay. What are our sexual orientations?  I’m gay. Nobody has to share, by the way.” Laf says.. </p><p>“I’m gay too.” John says. </p><p>“I’m pan.” Herc adds.  </p><p>“Same.” Peggy says. </p><p>“I'm bi.” I say. </p><p>“I’m lesbian and ace.” Eliza adds. </p><p>“Okay so Peggy and Herc are pan, Eliza's lesbian/ace, John and Laf are gay, Alex is bi, and I’m straight” Angelica adds. </p><p>We all nod our heads. After this we all talk and hang out. Eventually, the talking dies down until Laf speaks up. </p><p>“Guys it’s eleven we should go before the crack addicts come out.”</p><p>We all grab our things. Herc puts out the fire and we head back to Hercs car. </p><p>“Bye Pegs. Bye Liza. Bye Angie.” I say before hugging them all and jumping in Hercs car, John also saying his goodbyes before following me into the car. </p><p>On the way home we all half fell asleep. We make it back to our dorms before curfew, at midnight. Laf and Herc say their goodbyes to us and we walk into our dorm. I instantly<br/>
tackled John in a hug. </p><p>“Mmm I love you.” I say into his neck.</p><p>“That's good because I love you,” he replies. I can practically hear his smile. I let go and pecked his lips.</p><p>“I’m gonna go shower.” I say walking towards the bathroom. “Wanna join?” I added a smirk. </p><p>“Ha ha. Very funny.” he says as he sits down. I giggle and go take my shower. After a short shower I step out and get into the sweats and plain t-shirt (that I DEFINITELY didn’t<br/>
steal from John) I brought in with me. I semi-dry my hair with my towel before putting it into a low bun.<br/>
“John I-“</p><p>I walk out of the bathroom to see John already asleep. I smile and walk over to him, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. I lay in bed next to him. He seemed to notice my<br/>
presence, because he immediately snuggles up to me. I smile and fall asleep quickly, feeling comfort in John's arms.  </p><p> </p><p>I woke up to the sun directly in my face. I reach over to John but find nothing but find blankets and pillows. I look at the clock. 9:58. </p><p>I look around the dorm. John is not here. I stand up to go to the bathroom. As I walk past John's desk, I notice a note.<br/>
Alex, i went to get some groceries. love ya! -john. </p><p>I feel myself smile. He’s so cute. </p><p>I go to the bathroom, get dressed and sit on my bed with my laptop. After falling down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole on Youtube, John comes home. I look at the time<br/>
again. 11:09. That felt like ten minutes. </p><p>“Hey, love.” John says as he places some bags on the table. </p><p>“Morning babe.” I get up and kiss his cheek before I start unloading groceries. Once all the groceries were put away, me and John sit on his bed and cuddle. I love the way he<br/>
makes me feel warm.</p><p>“What do you want to do on our last day of summer?” he asks. </p><p>“I dunno. I kinda just wanna lay with you.” I say. </p><p>“Yea but we need to go get our ids and probably other stuff. we’ve been putting it off.” John replies.<br/>
“Okay. But can we go later? I wanna keep hugging.” I say. </p><p>“But if we go now, we can hug all day.” he says. </p><p>“Hmm okay.” I reply, I peck his lips before I get up. </p><p>“I’m gonna take a shower. I think we’re gonna take pictures for our ids so be ready for that.” John says as he walks to the bathroom.<br/>
I put on a green sweater and some jeans. And after about 10 minutes, John comes out of the bathroom. I step into our extremely tiny kitchenette and grab a cereal bar so John </p><p>can get ready. I end up not finding one, being the bad looker I am.<br/>
“Ready?” I ask as John walks out of our bedroom. </p><p>“Mhm.” we get our shoes then head down to the enrollment offices. John takes my hand as we walk across campus. </p><p>“Hello!” I lady says as we walk inside the freshman office wing. “Are you two here for your ids?” she asks</p><p>“Yep.” John says. </p><p>“Okay, I’m Martha what are your names?” she asks. </p><p>“I'm Alexander Hamilton, this is John Laurens.” I say. </p><p>“Hamilton and Laurens.” she mumbles as she looks through her clipboard. “ah here.” she crosses off our names and hands us both an envelope of papers, a drawstring bag with<br/>
a water bottle and a lanyard inside, and a paper for college apparel. I let go of John's hand to grab my stuff. </p><p>“Through those doors you can take your pictures for kids.'' she says as she points to the doors. </p><p>“Thanks Martha.” I say before we walk to the room. </p><p>John takes his pictures first, then I do. </p><p>“Your ids should be ready in an hour.” the guy taking the picture tells us. </p><p>“Okay Thanks.” I say. John and I walk out waving bye to Martha. </p><p>“Wanna get some food?” John asks. </p><p>“Sure. I haven’t eaten today.” I replied. I took John's hand. </p><p>“Baby, you need to eat.” he says, squeezing my hand softly. </p><p>“I know I just didn’t want to get out of bed and make anything.” I state. When me and John were in high school, I had problems remembering to eat. I was always so busy<br/>
trying to keep my grades up to worry about it and near the end of my junior year, when we applied to colleges, after my cousin had committed suicide, I was so busy distracting<br/>
myself from everything going on by writing my essays, I felt like it was the only thing I had control of, so I didn’t really eat or sleep much. Of course, I fell down a spiral. John<br/>
eventually found out about my eating and cutting.</p><p>
  <b>(TW)</b>
</p><p>~flashback~</p><p>“Alex?” John says as he sits next to me on my bed. I forgot that we made plans. Shoot.</p><p>“Hmm?” I replied without looking up from my laptop. college applications are due in three days and i’m not done yet. </p><p>“when was the last time you ate?” he asks softly. </p><p>“um. I had a fruit cup Tuesday morning?” I say more like a question than a statement. It's now Thursday. </p><p>“Alex come on. take a break.” he says. He stands up and holds out a hand for me. </p><p>“i need to finish this.” i say looking up at him briefly. </p><p>“you need to eat.” he deadpans. I stop typing for a moment, putting my hands down on my bed. </p><p>“i will. just let me finish this paragraph.” I say. He puts his hand on mine. </p><p>“Alex please,” he says. </p><p>“john i need to do this.” my voice is fragile as I try to stop it from breaking. </p><p>John takes my laptop off my lap. </p><p>“what the hell?” I am trying to get it back. He doesn’t let me. instead he picks me up. It's not difficult considering I'm light and short. I huff, trying to let him know that I don’t<br/>
like this. He brings me to my bathroom and puts me down in front of the mirror. </p><p>“john.” i warn. he looks at me through the mirror while I avoid looking at myself. He sighs and lifts up my hoodie. </p><p>“john!” I say loudly while trying to force my hoodie down. </p><p>“stop. look.” he says sternly. I look in the mirror at the frail shell of myself. I look up at John as he leads me to the scale. </p><p>“john stop.” i say as he pushes me towards it. “please.” </p><p>he struggles to put me on the scale. </p><p>“dammit Alex.” his voice cracks. I looked up at him to see a tear fall down his cheek. </p><p>“i-“ i cut myself off. John looks at me. </p><p>“please Alex. you need to take care of yourself. if not for yourself do it for me.” he begs. my lips form a thin line as I choke back tears. I took his hand. </p><p>“i’m sorry.” I say. I look at the scale. “i don’t wanna look.”</p><p>He hugs me and I stand on the scale. Instead of looking at the number, I look at John. He looks at the number and takes a deep breath. He looks back up at me. He grabs my<br/>
wrist to guide me off the scale and I wince. </p><p>“what?” he asks, eyes wide. I looked in his eyes before walking out of the bathroom and sitting on my bed, leaving him to follow me. I turned towards the wall and rolled up the<br/>
sleeve to see he reopened one of the cuts I made. A tear rolls down my cheek as I roll back down my sleeve. I quickly wipe the tears and turn around. John is sitting right<br/>
behind me. </p><p>“so are we gonna get food?” I ask with a smile, trying to avoid the inevitable. He grabs my hand and my smile fades as he pulls up my sleeve. He gasps when he sees my scars,<br/>
some healed some not. </p><p>“Alex..” he whispers. I try not to cry as we lock eyes. He raises his arm and I flinch, but instead of hitting me, he cups my cheek in his hand. I lean forward, hugging him. He<br/>
holds me for a while before he takes my arm and kisses my cuts through my hoodie sleeve.</p><p>“please don’t do it again.” he whispers, silent tears streaming down his face. </p><p>“john..” I say. He takes my face in his hands. I close my eyes as he kisses my forehead. </p><p>“Alex please don't,” he says after I lay my head on his chest. </p><p>“okay. I won't. i promise.” i say, meaning it. he starts running his hands through my hair. </p><p>-end of flashback-<br/>
<b>(END OF TW)</b></p><p>“okay. where do you wanna go?” he asks, bringing me back to reality. I noticed we’ve walked off campus, starting to get to the part of the city where all the shops are. </p><p>“hmm. i could really go for a pretzel.” I say. </p><p>“Wow, that sounds amazing.” he says. I smile and look around for the nearest pretzel cart. I get a cinnamon sugar one and John gets a plain one. </p><p>We walk away from the pretzel cart, back towards the campus. John leads me to a bench right outside the campus border. I lean my head against John's shoulder, like I always<br/>
do, and continue to eat my pretzel, licking my lips every time too much cinnamon sugar gets on them. I noticed a pang in the side of my head. </p><p>“My head hurts.” I say, finishing the last bit of my pretzel. </p><p>“Hurts how?” John asks, wrapping his arms around my shoulder. I lean into his chest. </p><p>“like someone poked me aggressively on my temple.” I say. </p><p>“you probably just have a headache.” he says, finishing his pretzel. “our ids should be ready now, wanna go get them?”</p><p>“yea.” we get up and I hold out my hand for John to take. we walk back down to the freshman offices, to be again greeted my martha. </p><p>“hey guys your ids are ready.” she says with a smile before handing us our ids. but instead handing us ours we looked at them to see laf and hercs. </p><p>“Oh Martha these ar-“ I'm cut off by the doors opening by Laf and Herc themselves. </p><p>“Martha you have us john and Alex’s ids.” Laf says, looking at an id in his hand, Herc behind him. </p><p>“Laf! Herc!” I say. Laf looks up with a smile before coming over and hugging us. Herc follows suit. </p><p>“Alex! john! mes amis!” Laf exclaims. </p><p>“hey guys.” Herc says. </p><p>“hi. I think we got the wrong ids.” we switch and look at them. </p><p>“oops! my bad. sorry about that.” Martha says. </p><p>“oh don’t worry about it.” John assures. </p><p>“we should head back to our dorm.” Herc starts “bye guys!” he says. </p><p>“au revoir!” Laf says as he takes Hercs hand and starts walking away. </p><p>“bye!” John and I say. </p><p>“what do you want to do now?” I ask John, looking up at him. </p><p>“I dunno. i don’t really wanna go back to our dorm.” he says as we walk out of the building. </p><p>“wanna go get my car and dive around for a little bit?” When I first bought my car, me and John would drive through the hills of South Carolina for hours, just talking and<br/>
subconsciously flirting. </p><p>“Yeah that sounds like fun,” he replies. I smile and he takes my hand, intertwining our fingers. </p><p>“okay but i left my keys in the dorm so we need to go get them.” I say. </p><p>“okay come on.” John says as we start walking towards the dorm building. We reach the entrance, but before we can walk in the doors, a guy dressed all in deep burgundy<br/>
walks out, followed by a few other people. </p><p>“and then, she said, ‘the towels go under the sink’!” he says and the people around him laugh. we try to get out of their way, but the burgundy guy pushes me out of the way.<br/>
causing me to let go of John's hand and stumble into him. </p><p>“hey!” I yell. </p><p>“Shut it short stack!” he yells as he continues walking. </p><p>“nice one, Jefferson!” one of his, who i’m assuming are his friends, says. I scoff and retake John's hand before walking into the building. </p><p> </p><p>We go to our dorm room, grab the keys and go back down to get my car. John, as always, sits in the driver's seat. </p><p>“I mean what was I expecting?” I ask myself as I slide into the passenger seat and hand John the keys. </p><p>We drive around the campus, through new york city, all the way to the boardwalk. </p><p>“I have a blanket. do you wanna go sit on the beach?” I suggest. </p><p>“Sure.” he parks the car and I get the linen blanket from my trunk. We walked down to the beach and I laid down on the blanket. since it’s 3 pm on a tuesday, and a bit<br/>
overcast, the beach is nearly empty, the nearest people being way farther down the beach. </p><p>We sit and I lay in between John's legs, my back on his chest. He wraps his arms around my chest. I sigh and melt into john. </p><p>“I love you,” he says. </p><p>“i love you too.” I reply, reaching up to kiss his jaw. He returns the kiss with one on my head. I close my eyes, feeling the gentle breeze, John rolls up my sleeve and traces my<br/>
scars. He brings my wrist up to his mouth, kissing it gently. the scars are barely noticeable now, you’d only see them if you looked closely. </p><p> </p><p>I don’t remember falling asleep, but John woke me up by shaking me softly. </p><p>“mm.” I hum, my eyes still closed. </p><p>“Alex baby, we fell asleep.” he says as he starts to get up. I sit up and look at my phone, it’s 6:37. </p><p>We stand up and grab the blanket before walking back to my car. I get on the passenger side, and throw the blanket into the backseat. John slides into the driver seat and<br/>
starts the car. </p><p>I avoid falling asleep in the car as much as I can, turning on the radio. I lean against the window, and take John's hand in my own. I sigh as John rubs small circles in my hand<br/>
with his thumb.  </p><p>We get to our building around 7 pm. The moment we close the door to our dorm, John wraps me in a hug. I gasp out of surprise but I hug back. we let go and change. I lay<br/>
down in John's bed, him coming to lay with me after he finishes changing. </p><p>I snuggle up to him and sigh. </p><p>“We have classes tomorrow.” he comments. </p><p>“i know. i’m excited.” I respond. </p><p>“What time is your first class?” </p><p>“8:30 yours?”</p><p>“8:45.”</p><p>“Great, you can walk me.” I tease, smirking. </p><p>“sure.” he replies, smiling.  </p><p>“I was kidding john. you don’t have to walk me to class.” I say rolling my eyes. </p><p>“aw but i want to.”</p><p>“you are just too cute.” I sigh burying my head in his chest. </p><p>“shh i know, i know.” he says, i can almost hear his smile. </p><p>I roll my eyes, sit up and lightly peck his cheek before standing up. I pick out my clothes for tomorrow while John eventually gets up and does the same. then we make sure our<br/>
bags are packed and plug in our laptops. </p><p>John pulled up the campus map for us to get a basic idea of where our classes are. i sit next to him so i can get a better look. </p><p>“Look, our first classes are down the hall from each other.” I say pointing to my class and then pointing to his. </p><p>“wow that is perfect.” he says before he kisses my head. I smile and lay down in John's bed. He comes and lays next to me. I turn away from him smiling and he pulls me back towards him. I sigh and melt into john. </p><p> </p><p>I wake up to my alarm going off at 7:30. One hour to get ready, eat something (john will force me), and get to class. John shuffles in his sleep, signifying that he's waking up. I </p><p>kiss his forehead and get up. After i go to the bathroom, I get dressed in the clothes I picked out, a light blue hoodie with clouds on it, and some jeans. John gets up and hugs<br/>
me from behind before going to the bathroom. He comes out to get dressed as I check once more if I have everything in my backpack. I turn around and see John in the army<br/>
green sweater I got him a few months ago.</p><p>“I’m tired.” he mumbles, as he walks over to me.</p><p>“Me too.” I whisper as John wraps his arms around my waist. I hold his face in my hands and kiss his nose before breaking away and putting my laptop in my bag. </p><p>John throws a granola bar at me before he grabs my hand and his bag. We walk out of our dorm, hand in hand. Since our dorm building is on campus, our class building is close enough for us to walk. After about five minutes of walking, we enter the building, we know where to go since we looked at the map. John and I walk to class, passing several students, still holding hands. Finally at 8:23 (I checked the time on my phone), John and I stopped at my class. </p><p>“I’m scared.” I whisper. He smiles and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear before kissing my forehead.</p><p>“It’ll be fine, love” he whispers back. I nod and squeeze his hand once more before letting go and walking into my class. </p><p>The moment I enter, I see my friend Lafayette. </p><p>“Alex!” he exclaims from across the room. I smile and make my way over to him. Sitting next to him is Angelica and someone I don’t know.</p><p>“Hey Laf, Angie.” I say with a smile as I sit next to Laf.</p><p>“Hey Alex, this is Aaron.” Angie gestures towards the person I don’t know.</p><p>“Hi” I said to him. He smiles and waves. Our teacher must have walked in because everyone stopped talking.</p><p>“Good morning class!” a voice starts. I turn towards the door to see a man walking in. “I’m George Washington, your professor. Welcome to law class.”</p><p>“Hi professor!” someone yells towards the front. Suck up. Mr. Washington sighs and smiles, although you can tell it’s forced.</p><p>“Thomas.” he greets dryly. </p><p>“Ugh what an idiot.” Angie mutters.</p><p>The rest of class goes by fine, mr. Washington gave us an assignment that’s due next week. It’s more of an introduction than an assignment but seeing as it's the first day, it<br/>
makes sense. I only have one more class today so after that I go back to John and mine's dorm. Today I just have law and history, with Professor Adams. I can already tell I<br/>
don't like him. I get back to the dorm at around 1:30. Johns not home yet so I start on the assignment Mr. Washington gave us. </p><p>I look up when I hear the door open about 45 minutes later. </p><p>“I’m back!” John calls as he walks in and instantly walks towards me. He sits next to me and takes out his laptop. I’m sitting on my bed for once, so it feels weird for us to sit on<br/>
my bed together. </p><p>“So how was your first day?” he asks, I smile and take his hand. </p><p>“It was good actually. Yours?” I lean onto his shoulder, he puts an arm around me.</p><p>“Fine. Hercules and Peggy are in my art class.” He replies. I move my laptop off my lap and wrap my hands around his waist. </p><p>“Cool. Laf and Angelica are in my law class. And I met another guy, Aaron. He didn’t have an opinion on anything which was kinda annoying but I have a feeling we’ll be<br/>
friends.” I say. </p><p>“I’m glad you had a good first day.” he smiles before pressing a soft kiss on my head. I smile and hold onto John tighter. </p><p>“What’re you doing right now?” he asks. </p><p>“Well, I was starting an assignment for law, but you’re distracting me.”</p><p>“Oh then i’ll get up-“ he starts.<br/>
“No! Stay.” I drag out the ‘ay’ part and hold onto John to prevent him from getting up. </p><p>“Okay.” he drags out the ‘ay’ part as he relaxes back. I bury my face into John's neck and close my eyes. John wraps his arm around my upper waist. I lean up and press a soft<br/>
kiss to his jaw. </p><p>“Do you wanna order some food?” he asks. </p><p>“I guess, I’m not exactly hungry but I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”</p><p>“Okay how about I just run to McDonalds?” he suggests. </p><p>“Yeah that sounds fine. Can you just get me what I normally get?” I ask as he starts to get up. </p><p>“Of course.” he kisses my forehead before grabbing my keys and leaving. “Love you!” he yells as he walks out the door</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Johns pov</b>
</p><p>So. The author finally switched the point of view. <b>(tee hee, bye fourth wall)</b> Okay. Well,</p><p>I don’t think I need to explain how much I love Alex. But I’m gonna do it anyways. It started when we met.</p><p>-flashback-</p><p>“Jack, baby, enough Wii. Why don’t you go outside and play.” my mother says as I play Wii in the living room. </p><p>“Okay, mama.” I obey because one time my father told me that any normal eleven year old who loved their parents would do whatever they said. I pick up my Skip-It from the<br/>
bin by the front door and walk out. When I step out, my eyes immediately go to a sound across the street.</p><p>“UGGGHHH.” a boy in a too big olive green hoodie yells. He looks to be throwing glass plates on a driveway and shattering them. I look both ways before I cross the street. Just<br/>
like mama taught me.</p><p>“Uh.. hello?” I say once I get closer to him. His eyes go wide and he squeaks as if I scared him.</p><p>“Who are you?!” he exclaims as he backs up a bit, clutching the other three plates he hasn’t smashed to his chest. </p><p>“I’m John. What's your name?” I ask softly.</p><p>“Alex. What do you want?” he asks. He seems scared but I don’t know why.</p><p>“Oh um.. I was playing outside and I was wondering if you wanted to play with me? I have another Skip-It.” I say.</p><p>He blinks.</p><p>“Another what?” he asks looking curiously at the Skip-It I’m holding.</p><p>“A Skip-It. Here look.” I put it down and start playing with it. He looks surprised, like he’s never seen anyone play with anything before.</p><p>“Woah.. How are you doing that?” he asks, a small smile creeping onto his face.</p><p>“I have another one at my house. It’s right across the street,” I point to my house, “wanna come over with me to get it?”</p><p>“Okay.. sure.”</p><p>-end of flashback-</p><p>After that, Alex and I became best friends. </p><p>Moving on, I came out to Alex when we were sophomores, right after he came out to me. Can I just say? I was very happy that someone so close to me understood, even if I<br/>
didn’t have feelings for him yet. In the small town we grew up in, homophobia was not uncommon. My own father obviously hates me for it, even if he can manage to not<br/>
comment or only comment when he’s blatantly wasted. Having Alex nearby always made me calm, the same for him. I’ve stopped counting the number of times he’s visibly<br/>
‘chilled out’ after I put my hand on his arm or after me taking his hand in mine.</p><p>I first realized my crush on him in our junior year. (the author doesn’t want to write a whole other flashback, but she loves you and will do it anyways.) It was Christmas, he had spent Christmas with my family most years because his cousin was barely around, and he got me a shirt we saw at the mall in November. </p><p>-flashback-</p><p>“Oh my gosh! This shirt is so cute, John! Get it get it get it get it get it!!” Alex said. He’s right, it is super cute, it’s a pale yellow color with three cartoon mushrooms on it. I tried<br/>
it on and fell in love, but I couldn’t afford it. </p><p>“Oh come on it looks really good on you!” Alex had said, I blushed at that. </p><p>
  <b>//time skip to christmas day//</b>
</p><p>“Okay the last one goes to Jack.” my mother said. I smiled sheepishly and took what was obviously an article of clothing wrapped from her hand. I look to see where it’s from<br/>
and see Alex’s name. I smile at Alex, who is beaming like he can’t wait for me to open it.</p><p>“Go on! Open it!” he giggles, which makes me unwrap it. My mouth goes dry when I see what it is.</p><p>“Alex you did not.” I look at him, he looks like he’s exploding with happiness. </p><p>“Ahhh! I totally did!!” he says, grinning.</p><p>I jump across the living room floor, tackling him in a hug and knocking him over. We hug for a minute, on the floor of my living room until I think ‘I wish this could last forever.’ </p><p>I pull away from him and smile. ‘Oh no. I have a crush on my best friend,’ I think. I look over to him, his smile piercing my heart. </p><p>-end of flashback-</p><p>I struggled with my feelings with Alex for a very long time, that’s why when he asked me if I could wait to be exclusive, I agreed right away. I know that the only person I love, or even want to love, is Alex. I’ve waited this long, what’s a little longer? There have been so many times I’ve just wanted to hold him until we fell asleep, or hold<br/>
his hand or kiss him on the top of his head. I just didn’t want to ruin the friendship we already had. Which makes sense, I love Alex as a friend and more, he was my friend first<br/>
and he has been my best friend for the past seven-ish years. </p><p>In our junior year, a few weeks after his cousin committed, things got bad.</p><p>
  <b>(TW)</b>
</p><p>-flashback-</p><p>I walk into Alex’s room to see him typing away on his laptop. Didn’t we make plans? He said he would be done by now.<br/>
I briefly remember him telling me he hadn't eaten anything when I called him yesterday. I made a point to call or visit him everyday after he found his cousin. He normally just<br/>
tells me he’s fine and that he’s busy, but this time he looked and sounded more like himself, and had agreed that we would go on a car ride like we used too. He would even let<br/>
me drive.</p><p>“Alex?” I say as I sit next to him on his bed. </p><p>“Hmm?” he replies without looking up from his laptop. I remember that college applications are due in three days. He must not have finished yet.</p><p>“When was the last time you ate?” I ask softly. I want him to feel safe enough to be honest.</p><p>“Um. I had a fruit cup Tuesday morning?” He says more like a question than a statement. It's Thursday. </p><p>“Alex come on. Take a break.” I say, standing up and holding my hand out for him to take.</p><p>“I need to finish this.” he says, looking up to me quickly before looking back at his computer.</p><p>“You need to eat.” I deadpan. He stops typing for a moment and pulls his hands from his keyboard.<br/>
“I will. Just let me finish this paragraph.” he says, almost pleadingly. I put a hand on his. </p><p>“Alex, please,” I say. </p><p>“John I need to do this.” his voice sounds fragile as if it’s about to break. I take his laptop off his lap. </p><p>“What the hell?” He yells as he tries to get it out of my hands. I don’t let him. Instead, I pick him up. It's not difficult since he’s light and short. He huffs. I ignore it. I bring him<br/>
to his bathroom and put him down in front of the mirror. </p><p>“John.” he warns. I look at him through the mirror, trying not to cry at how unhealthy he looks. I feel my eyes water anyway. I sigh and lift up the hoodie he stole from me. </p><p>“John!” He struggles while trying to force the hoodie down. </p><p>“Stop. Look.” I say somewhat harshly. He looks in the mirror finally, before looking back up at me. I notice something I suspect to be a tear falling on his cheek. I lead him to<br/>
the scale in the corner of the bathroom.</p><p>“John stop.” he says as I gently push him towards it. “Please.” </p><p>I struggle to put him on the scale. He fights it, he obviously doesn’t want to see. I feel my heart shatter. I break.</p><p>“dammit Alex.” my voice cracks. I feel a single helpless tear fall down my cheek. I’m not much of a crier, I’ve never been. Not even when i was little. So he knows that when he sees my tears, it’s bad. And it is. </p><p>“I-“ he cuts himself off. I look at him. Something kicks in and I start begging. </p><p>“Please Alex. You need to take care of yourself. If not for yourself, do it for me.” I beg. He makes that one face he makes, the ‘I’m trying not to cry and succeeding’ face. He<br/>
takes my hand. </p><p>“Okay, I'm sorry.” he says. His eyes move to the scale. “I don’t wanna look.”</p><p>I hug him tightly before he steps onto the scale. Instead of looking at the number, he looks at me. I look at the number, 113, and take a deep breath. I look back up at him and<br/>
grab his wrist to guide him off the scale. He winces when I do so. My biggest fear becomes reality.</p><p>“What?” I ask, hoping to God it’s not true. He looks in my eyes before walking out of the bathroom and sitting on his bed, leaving me in the bathroom. I follow him and watch as<br/>
he rolls up his left sleeve, Although his back is against me and most of them are covered I could still see some. Scars. Some more pinkish red, some more blending into his skin<br/>
tone, littering his left arm. He brings his sleeve down again, wiping his face before he turns around to face me. The look on my face had to give me away. He knows I saw.</p><p>“So are we gonna get food?” he asks with a smile. I walk towards him, and grab his hand. He doesn’t even try to fight it. His smile fades as I pull up his sleeve. I gasp when I<br/>
see the many scars on my Alex’s wrist. Why? Why had he done it? Does he really feel this unloved? Doesn’t he know how much I love him?</p><p>“Alex..” I whisper. We lock eyes. He makes his ‘I’m trying not to cry and succeeding’ face again. I raise an arm and he flinches, but instead of hitting him, like he probably<br/>
thought I would, I cup his cheek in my hand. He leans forward, hugging me. We fall down on his bed and I hold him for a while, feeling the constant stream of tears running<br/>
down my face, before I take his left arm and kiss his cuts through his hoodie sleeve. I can’t help it. I can’t bear the thought that someone I love so much would feel so utterly<br/>
terrible that they did this.</p><p>“please don’t do it again.” I whisper, more tears falling.</p><p>“John..” he says. It’s a plea for me to not force him. I take his face in my hands again. He’s crying now. I kiss his forehead, without thinking. When I pull back his eyes are<br/>
closed. </p><p>“Alex please don't,” I said after he lays his head on my chest. </p><p>“okay. I won't. I promise.” he says, and I can tell he means it.I start running my hands through his hair. The amount I love this boy grows everyday, and I can’t do anything<br/>
about it. Oh well, I’ll just take this moment, us sitting on his bed, him practically clinging to me, while I pull him closer to my chest. ‘I love you, Alex’ I think in my head.</p><p>-end of flashback-</p><p>
  <b>(END OF TW)</b>
</p><p>It was difficult to get through, but he got better with my help. Senior year was one huge blur, I have a few good memories with Alex. Even though we spent all of our time<br/>
together, we normally just hung out and watched tv. I do have this one memory when we went to the fair and it took all my willpower not to just kiss him, which, honestly, I<br/>
regret not doing. It would have just saved so much time.</p><p>I love Alex with all of my heart and I would do anything for him. Like literally anything. That boy could look at me, say “I want the world” and I’d find a way to give it to him. I know, I’m completely gone for Alex. </p><p>Right now I’m on my way to McDonald’s to pick up some dinner. Well it’s not exactly dinnertime but it’s close enough. I go through the drive through and get Alex and I what we<br/>
normally get. After seven years you pick up a few things. On my way into our dorm building I’m stopped in the lobby by a dog. How did a dog get in here?</p><p>“Uh..” I say as the dog comes and sniffs my feet. I crouch down to see if it has a collar. It doesn't. She doesn’t. She’s small and fluffy. What the heck am I supposed to do? I’m<br/>
just standing in the lobby of our dorm building, holding a bag of Mcdonalds, staring at a random dog I found. I call alex.</p><p>“Hello, my lovely John.” he answers almost immediately after I call.</p><p>“Hey. I found a dog.”</p><p>“What? Where? When?”</p><p>“Right now? In the lobby? She doesn’t have a collar or anything.”</p><p>“I’m on my way. Love you. Oh my god it feels so good to say that.” he whispers the last part before he hangs up. I pocket my phone and about a minute later the elevator doors<br/>
open and Alex is standing there. I smile when I see him. He stole my Tyler, the creator hoodie. Don’t tell anyone, but Alex is the cutest person in the entire world.</p><p>“Hi.” I say when he walks towards me. </p><p>“Hi.” he says and looks at the dog. “And hello to you too.” he smiles.</p><p>“What should we do?” I ask, because I honestly don’t know.</p><p>“Well she doesn’t have a collar and she’s skinny and her nails are long. She probably wasn’t being taken care of.”</p><p>“Hmm.” I know where this is going. Alex is gonna wanna keep her. </p><p>“Sit.” Alex commands. She does. He kneels down and starts petting her. She lays down and rolls onto her back, Alex scratches her belly.</p><p>“Huh. She’s trained.” He’s making his case, she’s trained, we can do it, he’ll do everything. Blah blah blah. I’m not gonna be able to refuse.</p><p>“John?” Here it comes.</p><p>“Yes, love?” I mean it would be fun, but we’d have to take her out and our RA is kind of lenient, he probably wouldn’t mind as long as she didn't mess up anything.</p><p>“Can we keep her? Please? Please? Oh please John? I wanna hold her and snuggle her and take care of her. And she’s trained and it wouldn’t be hard and it’ll be like our own little family. Please?” he says in one big word vomit. It’s the family bit that gets to me. </p><p>“What if she has an owner?” I ask.</p><p>“We’ll put up flyers but if no one calls, then can we keep her?” I sigh.</p><p>“What should we call her?” I smile when Alex hugs me. He lightly squeals before he picks her up and starts talking again. He keeps his eyes on her while he walks towards the elevator.</p><p>“It depends. What letter do you think it should start with?” he asks.</p><p>“Either C or D.”</p><p>“Okay that’s exactly what I was thinking. Um there's Caramel, Cocoa, Cora, Coraline, Cordelia, Courtney, Cricket, Crystal, Cupcake, Charli, Cupid, and Cutie for the Cs and<br/>
Daisy, Dakota, Dana, Darlene, Davina, Dee Dee, Delia, Delilah, Demi, Desert Rose, Destiny, Dewdrop, Diamond, Dallas, Dido, Dillie, Diva, Dixie, Dodie or Dolly for Ds. That was<br/>
a lot, sorry.” by the time he’s done we’re at our door.</p><p>“How about Danielle?” I ask. “Dannie for short.” He lights up and opens the door.</p><p>“Yes! That’s perfect. Isn’t it, Dannie?” He puts her down as we walk in and she sniffs around before jumping onto Alex's bed. She sniffs around some more and lays on his bed.</p><p>“We need to go shopping if we’re gonna keep her.” I point out. </p><p>“Okay let's go to petsmart, it doesn’t close until 8 and it's only now 3.” he says. Okay, do you think she’ll stay by us? Or will she run away?”</p><p>“Hmm,” he starts and stands up “Dannie,” her head perks up. “Heel.” Nothing happens. “Work?” She hops off the bed and stands by Alex. He walks around the room and she<br/>
follows. </p><p>“Call her.” he says to me. I smile.</p><p>“Dannie. Come here girl.” she looks at me but doesn’t come. </p><p>“Break?” Alex says, sort of like a question. Dannie leaves him and jumps on my lap. I start petting her while Alex smiles.</p><p>“I think she’ll stick.” he says.</p><p>“Alright let’s go.” Alex picks up Dannie and we open the door just to see Laf about to knock.</p><p>“John! Alex!” he says and looks at Dannie. “Who is this?”</p><p>“This is Dannie, we found her, we’re keeping her, we’ve accepted her into our family and we are going to petsmart.” Alex says.</p><p>“Hi Laf.” I say with a smile.</p><p>“Oh right, hi.” Alex adds. Laf smiles.</p><p>“Well I came over to ask if you guys wanted to come to our dorm and watch Heather's but you have places to be.” he says.</p><p>“We can come after! We love Heather's. Original or Bootleg?” I say, knowing Alex wants to go.</p><p>“Original, and you can bring Dannie, Herc loves dogs.” he smiles before starting to walk towards his dorm. “The Schuyler's are coming, as well as Aaron and his girlfriend. The<br/>
movie will start at 5:30-ish. See you guys later!” he steps into his dorm before we get a chance to say bye. Alex takes my hand.</p><p>“Come on.” he says and puts Dannie down. “Work.” We walk down the stairs instead of the elevator, I’m not entirely sure why. We walk to the car and for once, Alex beats me.</p><p>“You have got to be kidding me,” I say. He laughs and gets in the driver seat. I pick up Dannie and get in the passenger seat. I can tell Alex is jealous that Dannie is on my lap.<br/>
It’s hilariously cute. I laugh and he looks at me. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Are you jealous?” I say with a smile, I continue to pet Dannie. He makes a surprised face and then smiles.</p><p>“Jealous? Jealous! You don't even exist to me! You don't exist!” he says. I cackle.</p><p>“Did you just make a reference to The Craft?” I ask between laughs. He doesn't reply, just giggles. We soon arrive at petsmart and hop out of the car. </p><p>“Dannie, work.” I say and put her on the ground, she waits for me to walk. Alex comes around the car and takes my hand. We walk into the store and right away see a bunch of<br/>
clearance pride stuff.</p><p>“This feels wrong but we’re also broke.” Alex says. I laugh.</p><p>“Wanna get our child a whole pride themed set?” I ask.</p><p>“I feel like she can pick it out herself.” he looks at me and smiles.</p><p>“Yeah?” I kneel down and hold out a purple and rainbow collar. “Dannie, which one do you want?” she sniffs both before pawing the purple one.</p><p>“Okay! Purple.” I stand back up and whisper to Alex, “I feel a little threatened by how smart she is.”</p><p>“Yea same.” he agrees and giggles.</p><p>We end up getting the purple collar, a light blue leash, a pride lamb toy thing, a couple tennis balls, an assortment of dog treats that Alex forced me to get her.</p><p>“What's the point if we aren’t even gonna spoil her?” he asked, then gave me his ‘pwease?’ face and he just <i>knows</i> I can’t resist that. </p><p>We also got her a yellow dog bed that I have a feeling she’ll never use, matching water and food bowls, a mat to go under them, dog food of course and a bow for her<br/>
collar.</p><p>“She’ll make the other doggies swoon.” Alex had said. </p><p>We paid and got in the car, Alex willingly getting in the passenger seat for once, Dannie snuggling up in his lap. </p><p>“We should take her to the vet, huh?” I ask. </p><p>“I’m already looking for one.” he says and gives his attention back to his phone. “Okay this one's good.” He gives me the address.</p><p> </p><p>The vet tells us that Dannie is perfectly healthy and there’s even a collar machine thing in the lobby of the vet’s office. We get her a light blue tag that says her name, as<br/>
well as a tag with mine and Alex’s numbers on it. On the way home, Alex puts her collar on her. We get back to our dorm at around five, thirty minutes before we need to be at<br/>
Laf and Hercs dorm. Alex and I designate a corner for Dannie's bed, as well as put her water and food bowls in our tiny kitchenette. He puts some water and food in them and she starts eating immediately.<br/>
“Oh you poor baby.” he says. </p><p>“Alex.” </p><p>“Mhm?” he hums.</p><p>“Come love me.” I say as I sit on my bed.</p><p>“Hmm. I dunno.” he puts a finger to his lips, pretending to think. “Okay!” He jumps at me, knocking me over. I laugh and hug him. He presses a small kiss to my forehead<br/>
and I nuzzle my cheek in his neck. He starts peppering kisses all over my face. </p><p>“I love you.” I say.</p><p>“I love you too.” he responds.</p><p>Dannie jumps on the bed and wiggles her way in between me and Alex. She lays down and we both pet her. </p><p>“We should probably go.” I say. </p><p>“Yea. Can we take Dannie? I want Peggy to meet her and Laf said we could.”</p><p>“Mkay, let’s go.” We leave our dorm at 5:24.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>IM SO SORRY. HERE HAVE A COOKIE *hands out cookies* </p><p> </p><p>im sorry. this is it. i'll copy and past my notes as a kind-of epilogue. here.<br/>'alex and john have been besties for a long time, john is pining but alex doesnt figure out his feelings until college, they confess blah blah, they dont get together bc neither of them are ready for like a while thing but theyre still cute and fluffly. they FINALLY get together around christmas (yes this is a hallmark movie) but they take it slow. after like half a year of dating they get into a  h u g e  fight but they make up so its gucci. after college they date for a couple more years then john proposes, Alex is like crying and laughing and saying yes over and over lmao. they get married and Peggy has a kid for them, Philip. happily ever after. boom'</p><p> </p><p>fake ending i wrote in my notes after the second chapter. <br/>'john and Alex spend the entirely of college together. after they got married, they moved into an apartment together. eventually Alex cheated on john many times. with like a bunch of different people. one of which was Eliza Schuyler. john found out and told him that if he did it again he would leave, then john started drinking, he was abusive towards Alex so Alex left with his girlfriend, Eliza. then Eliza killed Alex cuz she was legit bonkers. john was super mad so he killed Eliza with Peggy's help (Peggy helped because one time Eliza stole Peggy's girlfriend, maria). they got away with it and Peggy got back with Maria and they got married, they lived a happy and long life together. john got alcohol poisoning a few months after he killed Eliza and died. Laf and Herc had their happy ending, getting good jobs, getting married, adopting, Laf lived to be 89, Herc lived to be 91. angelica went to jail for a string of burglaries, she dies there.'</p><p>im sorry you guys. bye &lt;333</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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